BooksBarbecue
Back Poly
Chapters (24)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. 1
  4. 2
  5. 3
  6. 4
  7. 5
  8. 6
  9. 7
  10. 8
  11. 9
  12. 10
  13. 11
  14. 12
  15. 13
  16. 14
  17. 15
  18. 16
  19. 17
  20. 18
  21. 19
  22. 20
  23. 21
  24. Acknowledgements

Please forgive me and, if you can, keep our beautiful kids from the truth of what I’ve done.

With love always,

Chris

I stretched out my legs, read the letter again. He was right, of course – Sophie and Oliver were my everything. But he’d got my Fs wrong, my Ys too consistently similar. Sarah would have noticed that, or Biddy would have, surely – maybe.

* * *

I arrived at the school at 4.20 pm, saw kids – but not mine – playing in the front oval, chasing each other around, some with skippingropes, hopes. Mine might be inside, or round the back of the school, or kidnapped.

From Biddy: Good luck. Gosh. Thinking of you! I’ll come over this evening X

From me: Love you heaps! X

To Sarah: Just arrived at the school. Can’t believe I’m about to do this X

She’d offered to help, to be there with me. I’d wanted to do it on my own, to control the environment, put into practice the tips and tricks I’d been studying online. I’d thought of little else for days.

A football whizzing past my face. ‘Sorry,’ shouted a boy, his hands up.

It was another balancing act. If the questions were too graphic, I’d destroy their innocence. Too vague, and I risked missing the fact it was already gone.

My eyes adjusted to the darkened assembly hall. Children, but no Sophie, no Oliver. Maybe they were – Yeah. I saw Sophie out the other side, crouching with her back against a wall, watching some boys play soccer. I stood a few feet away, waited for her to notice me.

‘Daddy,’ she said, getting to her feet. ‘Daddy, Daddy, Daddy.’ She ran towards me, jumped into my arms.

‘Where’s Oliver, sweetheart?’

‘Don’t know.’

I pointed towards the swings and climbing frames. ‘Over there?’

‘Yeah, maybe.’

We walked together, her hand in mine, found Oliver with some of his classmates.

‘Hey, buddy.’

‘Hey, Daddy,’ he said, eyes downcast.

Was he embarrassed of me? Was I a source of shame, already?

I signed them out, carried their schoolbags to the car. I needed water, my chest was –

‘I’ve lost my hat, Daddy,’ Sophie said.

‘Your new hat?’ I said, swallowing, trying to. ‘That’s OK. I can get you another one.’

‘I’ve got a spare,’ Oliver said. ‘She can wear mine.’

‘That’s very kind,’ I said. ‘Good boy.’

They buckled themselves into their car seats, looked tired. I pulled on –

Dingding. Sarah: Good luck. Please phone me when you’re done. Love you XX

From me: You too X