The feeling keen hikers might have looking over their shoulders to see their young children in trekking gear following them merrily along a mountain pass wasn’t one I expected to ever experience. But getting them to the next corner – if I could just do that. And then the next. And then the next.

We made it as far as the Royal Melbourne Hospital, where my mother had been treated, and sat outside on a bench. It wouldn’t rain – there was that, at least. Just wind. Just whining. Just whooping. Just wailing. My phone ringing.

‘I’m heading down Royal Parade,’ Sarah said.

‘Oh, great. We’re just outside the hospital.’

We’d made it.

‘That was Mummy,’ I said. ‘She’s coming to get us.’

They cheered, stood, ran in circles. Oliver tripped over Sophie’s foot, scraped his knee, started crying, punched her in the chest. She started crying.

‘Oh, look,’ I said. ‘Look up there. Holy … what the heck is that?’

‘What’s what?’ Oliver said through his tears.

‘Didn’t you see it, up there?’ I pointed at a hospital window where nothing of any consequence had happened.

‘What was it?’ Sophie said, sniffling but no longer crying.

‘I don’t know. Like a bird or something, but bigger. It flew right up to the window, and then this old lady opened the window, and then –’

‘Mummy,’ Sophie said. ‘Mummy, Mummy, Mummy.’ She hopped from foot to foot, pointed across the road at our car.

‘OK, quick, get your things.’

Sarah pulled into the No-Waiting zone. I got the bags in the boot, strapped the kids into their car seats, got my bike onto the roof rack, got in.

‘Hello,’ she said.

‘Hello.’

‘We saw a bird and an old lady,’ Sophie said.

‘Did you?’ Sarah said.

‘Daddy just made that up,’ Oliver said.

‘Sounds like you kids have had a bit of an adventure.’

‘You too,’ I said.

I had to look at her, couldn’t help it – I wanted to see her basking in the afterglow of steamy sex with an elaborately named DJ. She mostly looked tired. Her eyes were hidden behind her sunglasses. Her lips looked like they’d been kissed a lot. Like she’d had someone’s penis between them. Like someone had cum across her face before flipping her over and taking her up the arse.

‘Mamma, I’m hungry,’ Sophie said.

‘Are you, darling? There’s an apple in that bag just next to you.’

‘What about me?’ Oliver said.

‘You didn’t get them anything to eat?’

‘We haven’t passed any shops,’ I said. ‘I’ve just been walking and sitting and trying to keep everyone happy since picking them up.’

‘We’ll get some food at home,’ she said, looking in the mirror. ‘Let’s just have a rest day.’

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