‘You really think so?’ Winford said. ‘Wait. Why won’t Zac fuck me?’

‘Maybe because he’s not gay,’ she said, smiling.

‘He is gay. Oh, come on, Sarah. He’s gay. Zac is definitely gay.’

‘I don’t think so. He seems pretty hetero to me. Going by his stories, anyway.’

That was true. The account manager at Trend, the sous-chef from Sydney, the SBS cub reporter – he was unstoppable.

‘He’s lying to you,’ Winford said. ‘Even if he doesn’t know it yet, he’s gay.’

‘Well, in any case, I don’t think he’ll sleep with you tonight,’ Sarah said. ‘But I can sing you a lullaby if you like.’

‘Oh, you’re so lovely. Wait, it’s very late, and you probably just want to go to sleep, and you have me on your bed bleeding pus from my face. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.’

7

7

I looked at the watch Zac had given me: 6.48 am. Biddy was sleeping in her bed, next to me, her throat softly clicking. In due course she’d stop ticking, as would I, as would Sophie, Oliver, Sarah.

Was it all about mortality? Was I reaching back through time, trying to cheat my place on the conveyor belt of doom by clinging on to a younger woman? Nah – I just liked being with Biddy, how she made me feel.

She turned, curled a leg over mine, settled, clicked. She was the best. Sarah and I were …

Was it all about babysitters?

Sarah and I had always hated the thought of entrusting Sophie and Oliver to someone who might harm them, even unwittingly, with a poorly placed cup of tea, a sharp word, a blunt stare. We’d never made an effort to find a professional babysitter, hadn’t even discussed it.

My mother had babysat before her illness, at our house, at hers. She’d lived in Collingwood, a shorter drive than Box Hill. Carly and Chris lived too far away for spontaneity. We had Kyle, who’d only recently – Sarah told me, via Zac – fallen off the wagon before, in his own words, pulling his fucking head in.

Had Sarah and I stalled our romance mid-flight rather than handing over the kid controls? Yeah – but I still liked being with Sarah, I just did.

Oh, I yawned, closed my …

Dingding. Opened … 7.03 am. Jesus – Zac. We had Zac at least.

Good luck for today, dude. Sarah mentioned Biddy had told her parents about you guys (hope you don’t mind she confided in me!). Eep!

‘Who’s that?’ Biddy yawned, kissed the back of my neck.

‘Just Zac, sorry.’

‘Are the kids OK?’

‘I think so.’ I started texting, gave up, turned to face Biddy. A hug, yes – a big day ahead, Aidan’s seventh anniversary. ‘I love you.’

‘You too, Chris. So much.’