“Des? Des?” I called. I opened the fridge, studied the half-full bottles of Pepsi, the package of string cheese, closed the door again. When I find my mother, I thought, I will fill our fridge with cut fruit and pink lemonade in pretty glass pitchers. When I find her she will teach me to cook, and we’ll bake cakes and frost them, cakes without occasions. Cakes just because we could.

From the kitchen, I noticed that the door to my bedroom was open a half inch. I knew right away that something was wrong, and I waited a moment before pushing it in. Des sat on top of my comforter, her legs splayed, The Wisdom of Tarot between her thighs. An open bottle of wine rested on my nightstand.

“What are you doing?” I asked. “Don’t you have work?”

“I called out today,” she said. “Figured I could use a day off.”

Des had never, in my entire life, taken a day off. She didn’t get sick pay, didn’t get vacation. I shake these tits rain or shine, hell or high water, she always said. She liked me to think she was put out by this, but I knew it was a point of pride that she dragged herself into the club no matter how hungover she was.

“Are you feeling okay?” My stomach dropped. The book, the money pressed in the back pages.

“I feel great.” Please, just say it, do it, I thought. Scream, hit me. I’ll take it. Just don’t make me wait.

“In fact, I came into a little extra money today, so I don’t even mind missing out on the pay.” She took a swig straight out of the wine bottle. “Great vintage. Want some?”

“Des …”

“Don’t you Des me.”

She slammed the book shut, sat up, and Frisbeed it across the room. I thought I heard the spine crack when it hit the wall. I winced, like I’d been hit. “What’s the idea, here, Clara? Everything I do for you, and here you are, squirreling away all that money? You let me go to work every night at that shithole, while you’re sitting on hundreds of bucks? I’ve kept you fed. I’ve kept a roof over your head. So, what’s the big plan, huh? What do you think you’re doing? You ungrateful little sneak.”

“I want to get out of here, Des! I don’t want to waste my whole life here. I don’t want to do any of this anymore. You sold me to those guys and you knew what it would mean, what it would do to me. And then you went off and blew all of the cash!”