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Chapters (41)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. PROLOGUE
  4. CLARA
  5. JANES 1 AND 2
  6. LILY
  7. CLARA
  8. LILY
  9. LUIS
  10. CLARA
  11. JANE 3
  12. CLARA
  13. LILY
  14. LUIS
  15. JANE 4
  16. CLARA
  17. LILY
  18. JANE 4
  19. JANES 1, 2, 3, AND 4
  20. CLARA
  21. LUIS
  22. LILY
  23. JANE 5
  24. LILY
  25. LUIS
  26. LILY
  27. DEBORAH
  28. CLARA
  29. LUIS
  30. LILY
  31. CLARA
  32. JANE 6
  33. LILY
  34. CLARA
  35. LUIS
  36. CLARA
  37. DEBORAH
  38. LILY
  39. JANES 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, AND 6
  40. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  41. ABOUT THE AUTHOR

The Atlantic City bus pulls in, hisses, sighs out a trickle of passengers. She waits to see her daughter among them, squints hard at a brunette girl—Georgia might have changed her hair—but no. None of them is her daughter. She waits until the driver is done heaving suitcases from the guts of the bus, slides Gee’s picture from her wallet.

“Was this girl on your bus?”

The driver hardly glances at the photo, shakes her head no. All the passengers already gone, she says.

“No one in the bathroom?” She has a memory of walking in on Georgia taking a photo of herself in the bathroom mirror with her first cell phone. She had drawn a lipstick heart on her cheek, on each of her breasts, around the nipple. Who was it for? Deborah wanted to know. For a man online? To text to a boy? Or just for herself? She hoped it was the latter, just a celebration of being beautiful, of being young, a private, exuberant joy.

At half past seven, she walks up to the ticket window, taps on the glass. “Any other buses coming in from Atlantic City tonight?”

The woman shakes her head, pulls a sliver of onion from her burger, coils it onto the paper wrapper, licks a spot of ketchup from her thumb. Deborah fumbles her phone out of her bag and dials the number for the motel Georgia told her about. It rings and rings and rings, but no one picks up.

Deborah sits in the parking lot until after midnight, thinking of the sound of her daughter’s voice on the phone, the light coming through the jars of jam. At 12:03, she turns the engine on. It’s a three-hour drive to Atlantic City. She hasn’t been there since a trip she took with a few other schoolteachers, back in ’99. She was shocked at the dinginess of it back then. It can only be worse now. She’s seen stories on the news: the opioid epidemic, the casinos shutting down, the gang violence, Hurricane Sandy battering the coast. It’s a wonder there’s anything left.

She stops for a coffee, even though she doesn’t need it. Her body is humming with purpose; her heart feels like it’s gotten loose, untethered, tumbling around in her chest. She’ll bring her girl back. This time, Georgia will come home.

CLARA

AFTER I GOT HOME FROM the beach, I slept soundly for the first night in a long time. I woke up with sunlight bright at the edges of my blinds, and as I opened my eyes I could hear the pushcart men on the boardwalk calling ride ride ride. Seagulls screeched, the waves thumped against the shore. But otherwise, silence. No screaming babies. No visions of strange rooms. There was a new clarity and stillness to everything around me. I felt like I could breathe again.