“This way,” she said. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears, my breath catching shallow in my chest. It was more than the running—I had the same shaky feeling in my hands as when I had an anxiety attack. No, I thought, please not now. My sense of proportion was off, and the hallway seemed to press in on us, constricting to a pinpoint far, far away. No, I told myself more firmly. You are stronger than that. You don’t have to let this happen. My breathing stayed shallow, but the pounding in my temples eased up, and I followed Clara to the back door near the main lobby.

Then we were outside, near the harbor, and in the soft night air I felt like I could breathe again. A few boats bobbed lazily along the bay, in little halos of light. We walked around to the front of the casino in silence. In the dark, the topiaries loomed, their overgrown shapes looking threatening, wild. Or maybe that was just my mood that turned everything strange. I pulled my phone out of my purse to see I had three new texts from Matthew.

I understand if you’re still mad but I’d really like to talk.

I miss you.

What are you doing right now? Can I call?

I slipped it back into my pocket.

Clara watched me. “Are you okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, I think so.” Between the adrenaline and the night air, I felt sobered. Penitent. I looked up and tried to see the stars through the clouds but could only find a few.

“That was really stupid, Lily. You were too drunk to go anywhere with anyone.”

“You were drinking, too.”

“I had two drinks.”

“Oh, come on. They definitely bought us way more than two.”

“Sam knows to pour me soda water with lime after the second, or Coke with no rum, whatever. It’s part of our deal. He’s never going to serve me more than two drinks even if I beg.”

“Well, how was I supposed to know that?”

“You’re not, that’s what I’m saying. You had no idea what you were getting into.”

“I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

“Sure, Lily. I’m okay.”

“What was that, with the knife? Aren’t you worried they’ll report you?”

“No. They would have to confess to picking up prostitutes first.”

“Well, they didn’t pay us anything so are we technically prostitutes?”

“Who says we didn’t get paid?” Clara pulled a wad of cash from her pocket, counted it, handed half of the bills over to me. One hundred dollars, hardly worth being treated like a toy. I tried to think of a price that felt fair but couldn’t. What I wanted most was the thing I wouldn’t get: the ability to forget about them, to push their leering faces and grasping hands out of my mind.

“How did you pull that off?”