He was silent. She knew that at any other time he would have told her that was enough, that she was being rude, but instead he said, “I’m flying out there.”

“No.” Even as she said it, she knew she was insincere. She wanted him to make her say yes, to force her into acquiescence, and yet the thought made her heart contract, made her next “no” even more determined.

“All right,” he said. “All right, but will you call me tomorrow?”

“I have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow.”

“Then the next day.”

“The next day is the funeral.”

“Josie …”

She said nothing.

“Okay,” he said. “Well … call as soon as you can.”

“All right.” She hung up the phone before he could say anything else, and as soon as she did, she wished she could get him back. She picked up the phone, then set it down again. She felt as if her heart were being pulled apart by two workhorses. She wanted him here so badly, and yet she was glad she had been cruel. But it was hard, and she put her head down on her forearms and was counting the number of hours she would have to be here, when her father walked in. He switched on the light, and she jumped.

“Josie! Good God, you scared me,” he said.

She quickly got to her feet. “I was just getting something to drink.”

“Don’t go.”

She sat awkwardly and then snatched Devesh’s number off the table.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Nothing; it’s nothing.”

“Were you calling someone?”

“No.” She knew it was obvious she was lying. “Yeah. Just a friend.”

“A boy?”

Josie smiled. The idea of Devesh as a boy was ridiculous, but her father had always called her boyfriends boys; even Charlie with the graying temples had been a boy. “Um, yeah.”

“Is it serious?”

“Um, maybe. I don’t know,” and it was true. Right now she wondered who she would be if it were possible to erase the previous six months. She wished she could just fall into a deep sleep. She took a deep breath. “I’m exhausted. I’m gonna try and go back to bed.”

He nodded. She could see the need in his face, but doing this father-daughter thing was too much right now. It was easier to add his disappointment to the giant mass already in her stomach.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” she said, and left the room.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN