I held his hands tighter, not giving him a chance to let go. “But even with all your striving to live life to the fullest, you’re only living a half-life.” Crosby’s hands jerked in mine, his eyes blazing. I just held on harder. “You repel down the side of a mountain but refuse to let yourself truly fall in love. You tear down trails that would give me a heart attack, yet you won’t let yourself have a family. You let people close but not all the way in. Not to where they have the chance to hurt you.”

It had taken me a long time to realize this truth. Crosby had always seemed so open, welcoming anyone into his circle, his life. But there was a wall around the core of who he was, and Crosby wouldn’t let that down for anyone.

“I let you in. Don’t say I didn’t.” Heat and anger lit Crosby’s features as he spoke.

I gave his hands a squeeze, silently begging for him to hear me, to understand, to let me in. “But not all the way.”

He tore his hands from mine. “Why can’t what we have be enough for you? I need the freedom I’ve built for myself, and I won’t give that up for anyone. Not even you.”

His words were a physical blow, landing in my stomach and chest. “I’m not trying to steal your freedom.” Tears gathered at the corners of my eyes. “I never want to chain you down. I just wanted to give you more life to experience.” Partnership. Family. But I wouldn’t force that on him.

Tears began to spill over now. Apparently, I was a crier, after all. “I don’t want to resent you. I don’t want you to hate me for putting pressure on you. And that’s exactly what will happen if we keep this up. Look at us, it’s happening already.”

And that knowledge broke my heart. I inhaled a shaky breath. “I love you, Crosby. I always will, but that means I have to let you go.” Each word cut as I spoke it, but it didn’t change the necessity of the release. “If we walk away now, we still have a shot at friendship.” God, it would kill to have him in my life but know that he wasn’t mine. But it would be far worse to pretend we were strangers.

“Friends? Are you seriously having the let’s-just-be-friends conversation with me right now?”

The anger in Crosby’s gaze was still flickering, but underneath, I saw the hurt. I swallowed hard. “I want you in my life. I don’t want to lose you completely.”

His hands fisted at his sides, knuckles going white. “Well, I’m not sure you get to make that decision.” Without another word, he turned and strode back towards his office.