“You hit our sensei! We hate you! We hate you! Kee-ai!”

“Stop it,” he said, but the tiny warrior beasts had grabbed onto his belt and pulled him down to his knees and were now kicking the shit out of him with their tiny bare feet.

“Sarah!” he said, covering his face.

“Attention!” yelled Jane, and suddenly, the kids formed two rows and stood there like little soldiers. Her face was bloody, and Josh stood up, feeling like the world’s worst human.

“Children,” Jane said, not bothering to wipe her face. “This is what happens when you lose focus. Mr. Park is our new student, and the first one who has ever been able to hit me. Bow to him and show your respect.”

“No, please, I’m very sorry,” Josh said, but all the little kids turned and bowed to him.

“Now, Joshua, please step outside. Class, one hundred jumping jacks. Violet, count them off while I clean my face.”

“One! Two! Three!” a tiny blond girl began shouting.

Josh slunk out of the room, where a dozen parents stared at him.

Sarah came behind him, wheezing with laughter. “You punched an old woman,” she whispered, tears streaming down her face.

“I heard that, Sarah,” Jane said, holding a towel to her face. “Old? Please. I am seventy years old. My mother is one hundred and four. Joshua, it was my own fault. I glanced away. So! You want to be my student?”

“Um . . . yes. Yes, I do.” How could he say no? He’d broken her nose.

“Great! I think you’ll do well.” She went behind a counter, glanced at him and pulled out a white uniform wrapped in plastic. “Go get changed and join our class.”

“Um . . . is there a beginner’s class for adults?” he asked, glancing at the assembled parents, who were making no effort to pretend they weren’t staring.

“Not at the moment,” she said. “There may be one starting in a few months, but for now, you’ll take this one. It’s one hundred and nine dollars a month, plus forty dollars for the gi. That’s your uniform. Go on! Get changed and come back in.” Jane went into her office. “Holy shit,” she said, poking her head out. “I’m going to have quite a pair of shiners!” She beamed at him, gruesome through the blood, and closed the door.

Josh looked at Sarah, who was pretending to study something very important on her phone. “Thanks,” he said. “This is exactly what I had in mind.”

“It’ll be good for you,” she said, struggling to keep a straight face.

“First I hit an old woman, now I get to beat up children,” he said.

“See? A hobby. Now listen to Sensei and go get changed.” She smiled. “I’ll buy you dinner after.”

He did as instructed.