The crowd started clapping. The man tried to get up, then slipped and fell back down. “My back!” he howled.

Regrettable. Josh had been hoping for a fight. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox. That lazy-ass dog.

The redness faded. Someone was talking to him. “Josh? Joshua? Are you okay?” It was his new friend. Radley.

“I’m fine.”

“You punched that guy.”

“Yeah.” He definitely had. He looked at his recently abused knuckles, which were a fresh shade of red.

A man came running out of the restaurant with a mall security guard. “Fred!” Radley said. “It’s about time! That man was harassing his waitress. Then he threatened to shoot me.”

“Do you want to file a report?” the guard asked. “I can call the real police.”

“I don’t even have a gun!” the bully wailed from the floor.

“We can still press charges for harassment,” the guard said.

“Hm,” said Radley. “Well, seeing him lying in a dirty puddle of Pepsi is reward enough for me.” He turned to Josh. “Joshua? What do you think?”

“I’m the one who’s going to file a report!” the man barked. “He hit me! That queer hit me!”

Radley tsked. “Hate speech, terrible gaydar and a gun lover. Color me shocked.”

Josh glanced at him, a little surprised that Radley wasn’t more upset. Radley correctly interpreted his glance and shrugged. “This happens more than you want to know.”

The crowd was taking pictures of the anus lying on the floor. “Hashtag gun-threatening-homophobe, hashtag Providence-mall,” one person said. “What’s your name, homophobe? I definitely want to tag you. I filmed the whole thing. Bet CNN will love this.”

“His name is Donnie Plum,” someone offered. “My cousin used to work with him. He’s an asshole.”

The security guard asked if Josh wanted to call the police. Josh wasn’t sure why he was the one being asked. He had done the hitting, after all. “What do you think?” he asked Radley.

“How about you ban him for life from this mall, Fred?” Radley suggested to the security guard. “I’ll file a report tomorrow if you want.”

“Okay,” said the guard amicably.

“Lifetime mall ban,” Radley called, and the crowd cheered.

“I already have a hundred and six retweets and a thousand likes!” said the hashtagging person. “Donnie, you’re going viral. Bet you lose your job tomorrow.”

Josh and Radley were told they could go.

“Thanks for standing up for me. And the waitress,” Radley said as they walked to the car. “You’re a total badass. Seriously. That stuff is scary no matter how many times you hear it.”

Josh nodded.

As they got in the car, he remembered where he’d seen the waitress. At the vet. She’d had the really old dog. Rhode Island and its two degrees of separation.