“I already told you, we can’t leave Josh here alone with this freak!” Jen barked. “You know he’s way too polite to kick this asshole out. Sarah, I’m sorry, but collect your date.”

Sarah tried to push the laptop closed, but Ken jerked it away. “Ken,” she said firmly, “you’re embarrassing me. Well, you’re embarrassing yourself, but also me.”

“Babe! Just listen. Some people say VitaKetoMaxo is a pyramid scheme, but it’s actually very differently structured.” Another click showed a diagram of a pyramid scheme. “See, I’d be your distributor, and you’d sell . . . well, really, give your friends the chance for a better life. Some of that money would flow back up to me to reinvest—”

“You know what, babe?” Jen said. “I think you’re right.” She stuck out her arms. “Are these hives?” Sure enough, blotches of red marred her skin. “Shit. I might be having an allergic reaction. What was on the pizza?”

“Nothing you haven’t eaten a thousand times,” Darius said.

“Where was it from?”

“The sketchy place down the block.”

Jen let her head flop back on the couch. Darius glanced at Josh. “You have an Epi-Pen, right? Just in case?”

Josh nodded. “Benadryl, too.” Lauren had been on so many medications that the doctor had prescribed an Epi-Pen preemptively, in case of an allergic reaction, since a compromised airway was not something they needed.

Ken saw this as a great segue. “Interesting that you bring up food allergies, Jen—Jenny, if I may?”

“You may not.”

Josh felt the stir of laughter in his stomach.

“So, Jen, if you drank VitaKetoMaxo, hives would never be a problem. Ever. Food allergies would never be a problem. VitaKetoMaxo is known to cure all food allergies and eliminate the need for vaccines.”

“Oh, my Jesus,” Sarah said, closing her eyes.

“Can I have the scientific data on that?” Josh asked. “Three reputable sources, please.”

Ken didn’t pause. “It’s a proven fact that VitaKetoMaxo users live longer and healthier.” He turned to Josh, his blue eyes wide and earnest. “In fact, I’m guessing that if your wife had used VitaKetoMaxo, she never would have—”

And then Josh must’ve moved from the couch, because he had Obi-Wan Kenobi by his bony, long throat and was dragging him to the door and everything was going red. “Get the fuck out of my house,” he said, opening the door and shoving him out. Josh went back, shoved the laptop into Ken’s computer bag, threw them out into the hallway, then slammed the door.

The quick brown fox. The quick brown fox. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

The red began to evaporate. Josh’s heart was thudding.

The other three were silent.

“I’m very, very sorry,” Sarah said eventually. “I had no idea.”

“I definitely have hives,” Jen said.

“Probably too much red wine, baby,” Darius said.