Lauren tried to inhale her familiar mom smell. “Sorry,” she whispered. Sorry to make you lose a child. Sorry to give you more pain. Sorry if I ever disappointed you.

Her mother’s face contorted. “I’m sorry, too, honey. I’m so sorry.”

“Love you . . . Mama. Be . . . brave.”

“You’re my best girl. So strong. I love you, honey.”

Lauren tried to smile, but the fatigue and pain were pulling at her, even as tears slid down her cheeks. A low moan came out of her without her consent, and she gave herself another hit of morphine, barely able to press the button.

Then Jen. Oh, Jen. This was the hardest yet. “I love you so much, Lauren,” her sister whispered fiercely, holding her close, and Lauren managed to turn her head and kissed her sister’s cheek twice.

“Best . . . sister. Best . . . friend. Love you.”

Jen clutched her hard and let out a horrible wail, and for a second, Lauren couldn’t bear it, she couldn’t stand the pain, and she felt herself slipping away from the unbearable grief.

Then Josh pulled Jen back. “Don’t let that be the last thing she hears from you, Jen,” he said firmly, and Lauren loved him so much in that moment. His kindness, his strength, his understanding.

“You’re right,” Jen hiccuped. “Shit! Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” And Lauren couldn’t help but let out a little laugh, no matter how it hurt her chest.

“Perfect,” said Josh, and somehow, her family laughed.

“I love you, sissy,” Jen said, her face crumbling. Then, because she was Super Jen, so amazing and strong, she pulled herself together and smiled, bright as the sun. “See you on the other side.”

Lauren gave her a thumbs-up and smiled back.

Then Josh showed them to the door.

Lauren could hear them murmuring, the soft sobs. Her own eyes streamed with tears. She was so loved. She loved them all so much.

Pebbles was warm against her side, the sweet dog, her fur silky under Lauren’s hand.

Then Josh was climbing into bed with them and wrapping his arms around her. “You did great, honey. My brave, brave wife.” He felt so good. So much like himself.

“I . . . love you,” she whispered.

“I love you, too. With all my heart. With my all lungs and liver and pancreas.”

“Kidneys . . .”

“And kidneys. Both of them.”

She felt him crying, felt his warm tears sliding against her temple. The breathing was harder now, and she tried to sneak the air in around the scars, the fibers, the fluid. Don’t pant. Don’t fight. Don’t scare him. Die gently. Another hit of morphine so he wouldn’t hear her gasping, feel her body struggling. Help me, Daddy. The urge to struggle passed.

“I’m so . . . lucky,” she managed, and Josh sobbed then.

“I love you, Lauren. I love you so much. You’re everything to me. I’m the lucky one.”