There were little irritants, of course. When Josh was immersed in a project, he’d apparently lose his sense of hearing and she’d have to wave her hand in front of his face to get him to say hello to his mom. He relied on her to do everything social in their lives, whether it was going to a movie on a Friday night or deciding how to spend Christmas. He didn’t have friends of his own—not really, not like she did, and sometimes she wished he had a monthly poker game so she could have a night alone in the apartment.

But those things were so small.

She still missed her dad, still wanted to show him everything, every project she worked on, whether it was a new bus stop or a tiny park along the river. She missed him on her birthday, shocked that she was turning twenty-six without her dear old dad.

Most of all, she ached with the loss of a grandfather for Sebastian . . . and her own future children. Darius’s father was still alive, but Josh had never met his. There’d be no grandpa for their kids, except for sweet Ben Kim, who had already offered to stand in when the time came. There were moments when, walking home from work, she’d look at the sky and think, Can you see me, Daddy? Are you still here? Writing those letters to him . . . they helped her feel like he was still there.

When she started feeling seriously tired, she thought she might be pregnant, birth control or not. She practically skipped to the drugstore to buy a test. She didn’t tell Josh—she’d show him the stick if it was positive—and peed on it at work.

Negative.

Drat. Not yet. Well, that was okay. They were young, they still wanted to take a few big trips before kids. But the tired feeling didn’t lift.

She started eating better—spinach a few times a week, more protein—and it helped a little. But when the fatigue hit, it wasn’t like being sleepy . . . it was like her whole body was leaden. Her cough was still there, though sporadic, and she noticed she needed to clear her throat more often. Her GP told her she had bronchitis and acid reflux, chronic allergies. She took Claritin and Pepcid, and occasionally steroids if her asthma flared. She tried a new type of inhaler. It sort of helped. She started doing weight training in addition to yoga and power walks. Running tended to exacerbate her asthma.