You can do this. You never have to see her again, but I’m guessing it’s time. It’s been nine months. Time for me not to be the last woman you kissed. Moss will grow on your lips if you don’t use them. Everyone knows that. It will get too weird if you wait much longer (assuming you haven’t already slept with half of the East Coast). And once you pass a year, it might take on too much significance. Do you know what I mean?

He didn’t. He had not once considered kissing anyone since her death. He absolutely wanted her to be the last woman he kissed. Ever. In his entire life.

I know what you’re thinking . . . that you’d be disloyal to me if you kissed someone. But it won’t be, because if you did what I asked, I’m a tree now, and you need to start thinking about your future, which, aside from my tree-ness, I’m not in. Them’s the hard facts, honey.

I’m so sorry. It’s not what I would’ve chosen, but then again, Josh, we were so happy. If my IPF helped bring us what we had . . . that beautiful, intense love . . . then maybe I would have chosen it.

But that’s a letter for another time. As I’m writing this one, I want you to know I’m happy. We’re sitting in your mom’s living room on a Sunday morning, and she’s making cinnamon rolls and it smells like heaven.

I love our life. I think I love it even more because of IPF, because yes, every day is a gift (sorry to sound so sappy). Would I be this appreciative of everything, from the smell of cinnamon to the sight of you in the shower? I don’t know. I’d like to think I would, but I don’t know. I DO know I love you more than I ever thought possible. You just brought me a glass of peppermint tea and smooched me, which brings me back to kissing . . .

Remember that song (you probably don’t), but there’s a song that says, “A kiss is just a kiss.” This kiss you’re about to have doesn’t have to be a great kiss, or a meaningful kiss. Just do it, as they say. You might even like it, and that would be wonderful as far as I’m concerned. You’re a great kisser, and that talent shouldn’t die with me. Okay? Okay.

But, honey, our life together ended. I want you to have a new life. I hope with all my heart that these letters are helping you. Who knows? Your second wife could be burning them in the sink. But I think not.

I love you, honey. I want you to be as happy as you made me.

Lauren