I take another long, pacifying inhale before I speak. “I’m here to apologize.” Medusa’s eyes go wide, like she’s too stunned by my declaration to retort, so I say my piece in one breath before she can cut me off. “Earlier, you attacked me, and, given our history of dysfunctional interactions, I behaved unprofessionally, and, frankly, just plain rudely. I was wrong, and what I said wasn’t fair, on any level. I had no right to critique your parenting or imply in any way that you aren’t an excellent mother. For that, I’m deeply sorry, and I apologize.”

Medusa is clearly flabbergasted, but her feisty personality quickly shines through the stupor. She crosses her arms over her chest and regards me with a satisfied pout.

“That said,” I continue, “Tegan came to me seeking help. Your daughter told me she needed someone to talk to and that you’re averse to psychoanalysis and would’ve never let her see a professional—”

“That’s not true,” Medusa interrupts. “I encouraged her to seek the support of her school counselor, who is nice and trustworthy. Contrary to you.”

I raise my hands in a not-so-quick gesture. “Tegan felt you wouldn’t have supported her if she told you about the matter she really wanted to discuss.”

“Which is? Does she have other problems besides vodka-fueled lunch breaks?”

“Yes.”

“Like what?”

“Like the mystery father whose identity you refuse to reveal.” Medusa’s jaw drops, but I continue, undeterred. “She has allowed me to share some details of our conversation with you. We should schedule a session to examine the issue in a more peaceful context than our landing after an altercation.” I take a business card out of my suit jacket and offer it to her. “Call me whenever you feel ready to discuss the matter in a civilized way.”

The expression of satisfaction adorning her face after my apology has been wiped out, and her coloring is veering toward a shade of red brighter than the soles of her Louboutins.

I take that as my cue to leave now, before her fuse blows. “Given the peculiar circumstances, I won’t be charging you any fee,” I conclude. “I wish you a nice day.”

Her eyes blaze with suppressed anger, and in my head her haywire locks of hair have turned to actual snakes hissing at me for how enraged she looks. It seems my offer to provide free mental health care has sent Medusa off the cliff of her patience, so with a polite goodbye nod, I escape to the safety of my office.