I held Ruby-May against my chest. Her whole cranium fitted into the palm of my hand. She made little sucking noises against my collarbone. She smelt hot, earthy, like a sun-warmed mushroom. I stood at the window and looked out at Bristol spread below me: the office block with the bowler-hatted man graffitied five storeys high, the skyrise hotels, the glint of the river and the jostle of boats, serried rows of red-tiled roofs and, in the distance, the green fields and hills of Somerset. It suddenly struck me that this was what life was about; this was what life was for. Something surged through me, fizzed like electricity. Maybe it was love, love for Ruby-May. Four red balloons drifted across that perfect blue sky and I laughed out loud. For a moment it was like I held the secret of the universe in my hands. I felt both strangely energized and calm – like this baby was the key, and now I knew what the meaning of everything was and I just needed to rush home and tell Maddison, Yeah, let’s do it, let’s have a family! Maddison would probably have laughed at me; we hadn’t been dating for long. And by the time she was ready and wanted us to move in together, that feeling had ebbed away, along with whatever it was I thought I’d felt for my girlfriend. Or my life in general.

Matt salutes me as he and Amy walk past the window of the holiday house. After they’ve driven off, I go upstairs and rap on the children’s open bedroom door. They’re both sitting on one of the beds, playing on the iPad.

Theo says, ‘Did you know there are five hundred billion galaxies in the universe?’

‘Wow, that’s a lot.’ I join them. ‘How far away is Andromeda?’

‘Two-and-a-half million light-years from Earth.’

‘Well recalled, young Padawan.’

‘Uncle Nick,’ says Lotte, ‘why is everyone being so strange today?’

I’m not sure what Lotte is wearing, but it makes my eyes hurt: everything clashes and is a riot of spots, stripes and flowers. She must have got dressed by herself.

‘I guess it’s because it’s the anniversary.’

‘The anniversary of what?’

Oh, shit!

‘Well, this time last year is when your baby sister died. We’re going to have a party later on.’

‘Why would we have a party when she’s dead?’ asks Theo.

Good point.

‘Like, with pass-the-parcel and musical chairs?’ asks Lotte.

‘Er, I don’t think so, but I don’t know what your mum’s got planned.’

‘Do you remember when Ruby-May wanted a baby?’

I shake my head.