I glanced over at Juliet, who was distracted with her cat drawings. I lowered my voice. “You remember what we talked about the other day, the way Mom’s behavior still impacts our lives? Seeing how formal and polite Dean became, how stoic, it was as if the past two magical weeks together hadn’t happened. Like we were perfect strangers and not friends who cared about one another. I know Dean.” I cleared my throat through rising emotion. “Seeing his warmth and humor and affection disappear…it was like watching Dad walk around after an argument with Mom, pretending things were okay after she’d done one more thing to devastate him. Those weekends when we’d take Dad to John’s to get water ice are burned into my memory. How small and defeated he looked. I always knew I’d never be like her, never stomp all over people’s hearts the way she did. Relationships are easier if you can control every step of the way. Just flirting, just sex, no emotions. If I’d stuck to that formula with Dean from the start…”

Alexis saw through that lie immediately. “Be honest. Do you really believe you two were destined for some casual fling? Because you can be a good, thoughtful person and try your hardest to avoid hurting the person you’re with.” She ducked her head to catch my gaze and held it. “But we cannot control relationships in that way. Certainly not the kind you had with Dean. Real passion, real love doesn’t adhere to those rules. The more you try to contain it the more it resists being contained.”

I closed my eyes to better imagine the scenario I’d painted for my sister. One where I bumped into Dean at Benny’s and we then pursued a purely sexual relationship comprised of impersonal trysts and shallow conversation. Instead, I could only remember Dean’s boyish grin, his body moving confidently as we danced in his parents’ living room. His eyes on me last night had seared like a brand, and every smile we shared was the sweetest victory.

How deliriously happy I’d been, as if we were always meant to have that dance, have that dinner, have that life.

At some point, Alexis had wrapped me in her arms.

“Oh God, am I crying again?” I said, sniffing against her shoulder.

“Yeah, but it’s no biggie. You think people in this neighborhood haven’t seen someone sobbing on the sidewalk before? It’s a regular occurrence during football season.”

I snorted, but it ended on a croaking half sob.

Juliet patted me softly on the back. “Do you miss Mr. Dean?”

“Yeah,” I managed to say. “I miss Mr. Dean.”

The counselors would always say that you find the people who love you more loudly than the ones who don’t. That’s your real family, in the end.