“Nope,” I said firmly. “I’ll cry if you bring them out, and besides, I’m not going to cry again. Besides, I’m basically at the end of my story, which is that he said something like, maybe I’ll see you in Vegas sometime, and then he left. And I bawled my eyes out all over Aunt Linda’s sports-themed couch pillows.”

I sat back on my heels and brushed the hair from my face, holding a stick of green chalk in one hand. As requested, I wore pajamas and was prepared to crash on the floor in Alexis and Eric’s living room, with Juliet sleeping in a tiny tent and Dad and Kathleen claiming the big couch. Juliet had come up with the idea after the success of our previous sleepover, and I couldn’t have imagined a better way to spend my last night in Philly.

Well, there was one better way—having a giant family slumber party in a world where I hadn’t hurt the man I’d fallen in love with.

Alexis leaned over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it three times. “Oh, Tab. I’m so sorry.”

I looked away and released her. “It’s okay. Really. It’s…it’s my fault. I mishandled the whole thing from the start, so I’m not sure what other outcome I expected.”

I refocused on shading in the green I’d smudged, breathing through the heavy knot in my chest. I couldn’t stop the morning’s events in my head, like some kind of shitty time loop I couldn’t escape. How over the course of a couple hours, we’d retreated to separate corners with only awkwardness hanging between us. So we’re good, then, right?

How many times had I parroted that same phrase to a person I’d been casually involved with?

Alexis left her perch on the stoop to crouch next to me. She reached forward, stilling my coloring. “Obviously I’m always biased when it comes to you, but I also genuinely believe that this situation cannot possibly be all your fault.”

“I disregarded every opportunity for open communication,” I said. “Instead of being honest, I pretended I didn’t want more, pretended that my heart was still closed instead of being fully open. Dean said I didn’t need to apologize. That I’d been clear about never getting attached and he got it. But I still did exactly what I never wanted to do. Got involved in something messy and unclear and left the other person hurt and confused.”

“Why do you think it’s all your fault, then?” she asked. “It sounds like you must have had some communication about your situation if Dean knew what you were about.”