The real problem was everything I yearned to do that wasn’t having sex on a kitchen counter. Like making him smile with desserts and sorta-kinda wondering how cute he looked sleeping.

So maybe, due to this cumbersomeness, it was smarter to stay friends after all. I never wanted a marriage like the one my parents had at the very end. My mother had yanked her love away like a warm blanket on a cold night, and it took years for the three of us to recover. I preferred casual because I never wanted someone to get hurt, never wanted to dive deep into the messy, confusing, turbulent parts of being in love.

But my darkest fear was that my ability to flit from person to person was because I was just like my mother all along.

My laptop trilled with an incoming video call. I blinked rapidly, surprised to find my eyes a little wet. Then I sniffed, cleared my throat, and answered it.

“Hello from Austin,” Meghan said as a team of people waved behind her.

I waved back. “Philly says hey.”

She shifted on the screen, looking slightly pixelated. “Tabitha, I have to tell you how gosh darn excited we are to work with you. The team here has some great ideas, and they’re looking forward to getting to know you a little better.”

I glanced quickly at my list of lackluster ideas, feeling guilty. “I can’t wait to get started.”

They launched into a discussion about climate justice and the hotel industry and quirky live concert venues. Over the next hour, they painted a picture of a city on the cusp of real environmental progress, a city of bright lights and good food and music on every street corner.

By all accounts, Austin would be an amazing place to live. But I spent most of the meeting thinking about front stoops and water ice.

16. Tabitha

Sixteen

Tabitha

“Order up.”

A hot plate slid across the counter. Two fried eggs with scrapple.

I looked up at the chef. “How’d you know exactly what I wanted for breakfast?”

My dad leaned his elbows on the table. “I know when my daughter needs the healing power of greasy food.” He topped off my coffee. “I’m surprised to see you here for the breakfast rush. Last time you were in the diner this early you were probably prepping for a school final.”

I picked up my fork and took a giant bite. “Perfect, as usual. I was out of groceries and raiding Linda’s pantry was unsuccessful. And maybe I just missed my dad. Though don’t go gettin’ a big head about it.”

“Your stepmother will be heartbroken to know I’m your favorite.”