It was only when Liv sat into the jeep that she began to wonder again where Eddie was. There was no sign of his van parked outside the house. Surely, he wasn’t in the pub until this hour. It was almost four o’clock in the morning. He couldn’t still be in Dublin with Anya, could he? Out of the blue, a sly film of sweat eased through every pore in her body, a tightening of her stomach muscles and the feeling that it was hard to catch her breath. Where on earth was he? She couldn’t turn around and ask his mother if she knew where her son was; it would only give Barbara the satisfaction of being able to place a gnawing question mark forever between them.

And then, she realised what it was that had been lurking beneath her thoughts since they’d had that disagreement on the beach. She had only half given it words earlier with her parents, but now she was almost certain. He had decided to take matters into his own hands and invite Anya to stay in the flat anyway. Surely, he wouldn’t do something like that, not without both of them agreeing to it, not when she’d been so clear about the fact that it just wasn’t a runner. And then, her breath caught up and she felt for a moment as if she might never catch it again. This was ridiculous. The only thing that had caused it was the realisation that of course she’d let Anya stay, because otherwise, Eddie might just take her lovely ring and leave her all alone again.

She felt hot stinging tears of humiliation and some small part of her wondered how had she turned into such a needy, dependent woman? She shuddered. Rachel would turn in her grave if she could see her bending over backwards to Barbara Quirke, never mind putting up with half of Eddie’s antics. She quickly pushed the thought from her mind. No. This was all her own fault. Why on earth couldn’t she just have said okay? If she’d just said Anya could stay everything might be fine now. But no. She so badly wanted to get married and have a family – she couldn’t bear the idea of Eddie taking off and leaving her.

What was she turning into? And she knew it was pathetic, but there was no changing that now, was there?

*

The following morning, when she finally woke up back in her bed at the farmhouse, her adventure, if that was the name for it, almost seemed like a dream or a nightmare. Except, she knew it was all too real. Her eyes were sticky with tears that she had a feeling kept on coming long after sleep – however short and unsettled – had finally shrouded her.