“I thought it couldn’t get worse than that night in the diner—the assault and humiliation and being covered in his blood—but it got worse. So much worse. The last few weeks have been hell, and I just want to get through this.” I took a long, shaky breath. “And then I want to rest. Because I’m tired of hiding and running and fighting. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t pretend and…”

His face was so carefully blank. Not an ounce of pity on his face.

Good. I didn’t want that. Not at all.

“I hate that Jason’s fucked with me so badly and that everything I did was exactly what he wanted. It makes me burn with so much anger that I feel sick.” I strode to him. “I hate that now I’m here ranting at you when all I want is to get this over with. So that maybe I can just be me for one second. But I don’t even get that much because I don’t know who I am anymore. You say I’m Amihanna, but that feels like someone else. Maité feels like a lie, too. And the other twenty names I had? So, yes, I’m angry, but I’m going to go out there and do this one more thing. Because maybe—just maybe—if I save my friends, if I take down this base, then maybe all of my life filled with terror and pain will be worth it. Because if I don’t have a reason for why all of this happened—if I can’t find that—then I’m scared that I’ll always feel lost. That I’ll never know who I am. That all I’ll ever have is pretending that I’m fine, and I’m not sure I can live like that anymore. I’m not sure I can do it anymore. I don’t know what to do and—”

My breath was coming too fast again, and the pressure was building in my eyes, but I didn’t have any tears. Not right now.

“Is that enough? Is that enough for you?” I gasped. “Please. Let it be enough. Let me go out there and do this one more thing. Help me make this work. Please—”

He pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me, stopping me from speaking before I embarrassed myself any more.

“Yes. Yes, it’s enough.” He rested his cheek on the top of my head. “Amihanna.”

His voice. My name. It was too much, and yet the glow settled down. For the first time since he’d picked me up, it was almost gone.

How did he do that? What did it mean?

I tried to pull back to ask him, but he held on tight.