“So many reasons. I can’t even…” I wasn’t even sure why I was mad anymore. “It doesn’t matter.” The words were barely more than a whisper.

“What?” He stood up from the desk. “Why would you being mad not matter? You matter.”

I couldn’t look at him. He was wrong. Sure. I was Amihanna di Aetes, and that was supposed to be a big deal, but I didn’t feel like her. Maybe everything that’d happened the last couple of weeks weighed on me more than I thought, but—

He turned to press a few more buttons and then gave it a nod as if to say he was done. “Come here,” he said as he stepped toward me.

“No.”

I was feeling too many things, and being around him made it so much worse. I couldn’t put a finger on why, but I didn’t need him poking at my emotions. Not when they were so raw, and we were about to do something insane and dangerous.

“Come here, please.”

When I started to back away, he grabbed my arm and half-lifted me into the captain’s chair.

He’d moved so fast. My chest moved up and down as I tried to breathe, but he caged me in with his arms, leaning down into the chair. “Why are you mad? Why do you think you don’t matter? Please. Before you go out there and risk your life, I need to understand that much.”

“No.” I wasn’t telling him anything. I knew I had to calm down before I hyperventilated, but I didn’t want to tell him anything.

“Please.” His nose nearly brushed mine as he begged me to open up, but I couldn’t. If I started talking, he might realize that I wasn’t so sure I’d be okay on the moon again. I’d be an idiot not to be scared. Not when I’d barely survived it the first time.

“Stop treating me like a child.”

“Stop acting like one and talk to me.” He rose up, crossing his arms. “Why are you mad?”

“Why do you care?”

“Gods above.” He stared up at the ceiling for a second.

Then his gaze was on mine. I’d never felt so bare before someone, and I hated it. I was feeling too much, and that was dangerous. I had to keep it in. All of it. That’s how I’d stayed alive all these years. I hid everything.

Lorne leaned forward until his forehead rested against mine and I couldn’t hide when he did that. “I care for a lot of reasons, but mostly because you’re Amihanna di Aetes and I’ve waited for you all my life.”

I leaned back into the chair as far as I could. “What do you mean you’ve waited for me all your life?” He couldn’t be serious with that.