It took longer than Ahiga said, but eventually, the patch kicked in. Except that didn’t work right either. Instead of being peacefully unconscious, my mind started drifting through a trancelike state. I was completely aware of the fact that I was dreaming, and no matter what happened, I wouldn’t wake up until the drugs paralyzing my body wore off. Not until Abaddon.

Like that old story I’d read about Alice and her rabbit hole, I disappeared into a dream world. Time melted away, and my mind drifted to my hopes and my nightmares.

I was thrown back into jail. Beaten in alleyways. Shoved out of jets. Thrown into execution arenas. Pain ripped through my body as I died in my dreams, screaming for release from this hell, and then my mind would shift, and the images would change to Mom being captured. Of Roan being murdered by a group of Rojos. I burned to death as Abaddon’s air turned to fire in my lungs, my blood boiling as I begged for death to save me.

I dreamed of the colonies falling into destruction. Of war between humans and Aunare. Of worlds being destroyed by lucole bombs. And of being powerless to stop any of it.

Of my father hating me. Denying any help. I’d drop to my knees, begging him to save the humans, but he would back away from me. Telling me that I was too human to be anything but garbage to him. His abandonment drove a dagger through my heart, shattering it again and again as the nightmare replayed.

Of Declan and his soft kiss. His aching slap. Him dragging me into an execution arena while I pleaded with him that he was supposed to help me. That he’d promised everything would be okay. But his face would morph into his brother’s, and I’d feel his slimy hands reaching into my underwear again and again.

And when I was at my worst—sobbing in my sleep, begging for it to end—the sound of Lorne’s voice would come to coax me from my full-blown panic.

And everything would change.

Lorne was the air I needed to breathe.

The soft sound of waves sliding onto shore would soothe my tormented soul. The sun warmed me, and in a flash I’d be on a beach. An Aunare boy walking toward me. I couldn’t see his face, but I knew it was Lorne. At least I hoped it was Lorne. I felt the sand fall between my fingertips as I built a sandcastle. He’d laugh beside me, telling me that it was lopsided, and I’d tell him to shut up or I was going to make him eat it.

His laugh was a balm on my panicked soul.

Those were the dreams I didn’t want to end.