I don’t cry. Not one tear as I make my way home. Ryan tries to follow me, but I tell him I need some time alone. He calls, but I ignore it. Instead, I call Mandy. She just signed her deal with a smaller press a few months ago, so I’m sure the pressure is on. She’ll get it. She has to.

But when I get done explaining everything to her, there are no reassurances. No condolences. Only silence.

“Mandy?” I ask, my voice trembling.

“I don’t even know what to say.” The anger in her voice could cut me in two. “Do you know how many people would kill for a deal like that?”

My mouth gapes open, then closed, then open again. “Did you miss the part where I am having a miscarriage?”

“You said yourself you were relieved.”

I throw up my hands, then let them smack on the couch next to me. “That’s the point. I shouldn’t have had to be relieved. I should be able to do this job and have a relationship and kids if I want.”

“Poor you. You can’t handle a seven-figure deal and a perfect relationship. You made a choice, Scarlett. I guess you’ll have to live with it.”

“What the fuck, Mandy?”

She scoffs. “I can’t feel bad for you. You had everything offered to you on a silver platter—”

“I worked hard. Too hard. That is the point.” I spit the words out of my mouth like they taste bad.

“I’ve been working hard, too, and what do I have? A low five-figure advance and a promise that my paperback will be in a couple of stores. Certainly not a perfect boyfriend who is going to rush in and fight for a deal. And I’ll tell you what—if I did what you did, I’d do him a favor and never speak to him again. He’s going to be in deep shit with JMP for talking them into this.”

Admittedly, I had been angry at Ryan for suggesting this deal, but Mandy is right. He’ll likely get it from both sides now. We were never super private about our relationship, but if Mark puts two and two together, they might assume he was taking a risk that he wouldn’t have if I weren’t his girlfriend.

“You really fucked up, Scarlett,” Mandy is saying. “This could be damaging for anyone who is connected to you.”

She’s talking about herself now. Clearly, she thinks I’m in the wrong here, even though I don’t know how I could be. I didn’t get myself knocked up, I didn’t cause the pregnancy to end before it could even really start, and I didn’t ask for this deal.

So much for my best friend.

“Yeah, message received,” I snap at her. “Sorry I called. I won’t make that mistake again.”