“But you never stopped worrying,” I finish for him.

“No. I never stopped.”

He’s not wearing his glasses, and his face looks somehow younger and more vulnerable without them. Ryan has always been expressive, but he’s even more so now, without those dark frames to shield him. And the look on his face could break my heart.

“I’m so sorry,” I say on a shaky breath.

Ryan runs his hand soothingly over my side. “No, beautiful. None of that. That wasn’t what I meant. Of course I worried, but eventually, I lived my life. I’m just asking if you were able to live yours, too. I wanted that for you.”

“Well…” I chew on my lip, glancing at the wall over his shoulder. “Yes and no. At first, I left town. That’s why I was never at the apartment. I thought traveling would be a good idea, but I guess I was actually running away.” I take a deep breath and laugh humorlessly. “Shockingly, all my problems followed me wherever I went, and then some, because people would recognize me. I got very good at slipping out of places before anyone could talk to me. I can’t tell you how many times I stopped for a coffee or something and someone said, ‘You look like that writer. You know the one?’”

Ryan chuckles, and it gives me permission to smile, too, though mine is sadder than his.

“So then, I figured I’d come back, but I couldn’t go to the condo. Too many memories.” I finally look at him, then, wincing. “I gave up my old place, hired people to put a lot of stuff in storage, and moved into the place I’m in now.”

“What about your friends?” He almost tiptoes up to the subject, as if he’s afraid of what he might find.

I sigh, looking upward toward the ceiling and rolling onto my back. Ryan’s hand doesn’t lose contact with me as he rests his palm on my stomach. It makes me inexplicably uncomfortable to have his hand there, but its absence would be worse, so I let it go.

“Mandy had just signed her deal, as you know. She was…not happy with me.” I swallow hard. That’s all I can say about that; the rest is still too painful. “Ava and Katherine sided with her. My parents also couldn’t believe I left that money on the table, and even before that, they didn’t think writing was a stable career choice, as you know. I couldn’t deal with their disdain…so I didn’t. And everyone at JMP was only my friend because I had a deal there. Trina stuck by me. God knows why. I think it’s because my royalty checks kept coming, so she was still getting paid.”