Her hands still, her fingers flexing slightly where they rest against my arm, her eyes find mine, like she knows this is serious, like she knows I’m two seconds away from spiraling. “You don’t have to.”

I shake my head, letting out a rough, humorless laugh, dragging my hands through my hair, shifting slightly like that’s going to help shake the heat crawling up my neck, the tension riding my shoulders, the sheer fucking panic still clawing its way up my spine. “I just—I didn’t think it’d be like this,” I admit, voice uneven, barely holding together. “I didn’t think I’d—fuck, Haven, I didn’t think I’d have to figure this out with you.” Shit, I want it to be with her, did I just sound like a complete asshole?

Her expression shifts, “Carter,” she murmurs, her voice gentle, like she needs me to hear her. “I’m not expecting anything from you. There’s nothing you have to prove.”

I let out another shaky exhale, my fingers curling into fists against my thighs. I want to let this be enough, let her words settle in, let myself relax into the fact that she’s here, that she’s not pushing, that she’s not expecting me to magically know what the fuck I’m doing.

But I don’t know how. Because all I can think about is how I’ve never done this before, never let anyone close enough, never let myself have this. Now that I want her? I have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to do next. I drag in another sharp breath, forcing my hands to unclench, my fingers flexing against my thighs like that’s going to help me sort through the mess of emotions clawing their way to the surface.

But it doesn’t help. Nothing fucking helps. I can’t let her think for even a second that I don’t want this too. I tilt my head back, closing my eyes for half a second, letting my pulse even out, letting the words gather on my tongue before I finally let them go. “I want this.”

I feel her still beside me, feel her breath catch just slightly,. So I keep going. I have to, because if I don’t say this now I never will.

I turn my head, finally meeting her eyes, watching the way her lips part just slightly, watching the way her fingers twitch like she wasn’t expecting me to say it out loud. “I want you, Haven.”

Her lashes flutter, her throat bobs, but she doesn’t speak. She’s waiting. Letting me get it all out. I shake my head, exhaling hard, dragging a hand through my hair like it’s going to help slow my pulse.