And I can barely fucking process it. I should be enjoying this, should be letting myself sink into it, letting myself actually feel the fact that Haven is touching me, tracing me, memorizing me like she wants to know what I feel like beneath her hands.

But instead, all I can think about is Tate, who is upstairs. Tate, who has never had to deal with this, who doesn’t hesitate, who doesn’t overthink, who isn’t sitting here completely wrecked because a girl is touching him for the first time. Tate doesn’t have this problem, he wouldn’t be sitting here in complete fucking panic mode, wouldn’t be trying to ignore the fact that his body is reacting too fast, too eager, wouldn’t be struggling with the sudden pressure of Haven’s hands moving over his skin.

Tate would know exactly what to do next. I squeeze my eyes shut for half a second, dragging in a breath, trying to force myself to stop thinking about it, stop comparing, stop making this something it doesn’t need to be.

This is about Haven. Who’s still watching me, still touching me, still looking at me like she isn’t put off by any of this, like she wants to keep going, like maybe she’s enjoying this just as much as I am.

I force myself to focus, to feel the weight of her palm pressing against my forearm, to process the way she’s studying my reactions, gauging my body’s response, letting herself explore like she’s discovering something new, something she wants to keep exploring. And it’s fucking killing me. Because this is new. This is the first time someone has looked at me like this, touched me like this, made me feel like this. And I have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to do next. I need to say something. I need to stop sitting here like I’ve been hit by a fucking freight train, like my entire world didn’t just tilt sideways the second Haven put her hands on me, like I’m not on the verge of completely combusting because I don’t know how to handle any of this.

But my throat is tight, my body locked up, my brain still short-circuiting at the fact that she isn’t pulling away, that she’s still touching me, still looking at me like she wants me just as much as I want her. And I can’t take it anymore.

“I—” I swallow hard, dragging in a breath, my words stuttering before they even form, my pulse pounding so hard I can feel it in my fingertips. “I don’t—fuck, Haven, I don’t know what I’m doing, at all.”