Feliz Navidad and just what in the fuck are you trying to pull here? Christ! Calling me at my house?!!! Drunk on your ass?!!! Two in the morning?!!! Right after the bars close?!!! What were you thinking? What can I do after someone pulls a number like that except change the phone number and sever all contact? Crazy-ass bitch. Goddamn it, I don’t care how fucking drunk you get, that’s something you just do not do ever no matter what happens. Never! Ever! It’s not permissible. I was fucking ready to fucking kill you. Now I have to memorize two new phone numbers, and for this old dog new tricks come hard. So tell me, are you proud of yourself? Did you actually think you could win me back with a caper like that? Stupid fucking psycho bitch. If I was lovesick no matter how bad, I would never do what you did. There are rules. I’m not going to wreck your marriage, suck marriage though it may be. This is absolutely my last contact with you. This is absolute and unequivocal. I’m closing your ignominious file today; it’s over!

You must realize that after that drunken-ass screaming insane bullshit phone call waking up everyone in the fucking house, I can never trust you again—you crossed the line. I do like you and think of you fondly—it’s just over. Anyhow, the whole affair was bullshit. I was really going after your pal, Lisa, the psychiatrist. She was the one I was chasing and you kind of interjected yourself. I really hate it, the way you did that and then got all fucking clingy dependent. How was I going to come on to Lisa after that?

Your whole insecure jealousy thing is virtual paranoia. You should take Thorazine or something. I’m serious. So long, pretty baby—and Feliz Navidad. Have a holly jolly Christmas,

As always, I remain your sweet potato,

Xxxxs

Maximilian Schell

P.S. Please delete this email message immediately.

to: CC14

re: Lisa Knows About Your Tawdry Unnatural Desires

date sent: December 26, 1998

I can’t believe you told Lisa I was hot for her. Shit! Why did she break up with that asshole? Don’t tell me. What else did she tell you? I want to savor every detail. I’m in Oxford, MS. Staying in Faulkner’s well-preserved house. Wm. never was much of a screenwriter and I don’t know a soul who’s read his books. Overrated, doncha think?

Love,

Uncle Ho

to: CC14

re: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas!

date sent: December 31, 1998