Of course it was hard work being a rooster, but Barnes seemed the happiest creature she had ever known. Probably because when you’re doing what you really want to do, it isn’t work. No matter how dull things got on the farm, she could watch Barnes by the hour. Barnes could even redeem a hot, dog-day afternoon in August. He wasn’t afraid of anything or anybody. Did he ever entertain a doubt? Some kind of rooster worry? Never! She tried to conjure up one last picture of him. He was just a little banty, couldn’t have weighed three pounds. Maybe Mr. Barnes would be waiting for her on the other side and would greet her there and be her friend again.

She nodded in and out. In and out. The morphine was getting to be too much. Oh, please God. She hoped she wouldn’t puke…So much left unsaid, undone. Well, that was all part of it. If only she could see Barnes strut his stuff one last time. “Come on, Barnes. Strut your stuff for me.” Her brother, Fred, sitting there so sad with his hamburger. After a couple of beers, he could do a pretty good imitation of Mr. Barnes. Could he…would he…for old time’s sake? Her voice was too weak, she couldn’t speak. Nowhere near. Not even close. Was she dead already? Fading to black? It was hard to tell. “Don’t feel bad, my darling brother. Don’t mourn for me. I’m okay”…and…one last thing—“Sarah, I do love you, darling! Love you! Didn’t you know that? Didn’t it show? If not, I’m so, so very sorry.…” But the words wouldn’t come—couldn’t come. She…was so sick. You can only get so sick and then there was all that dope. Love! She should have shown it to her daughter instead of…assuming. She should have been more demonstrative, more forthcoming.…That’s what it was all about. Love your brother as yourself and love the Lord God almighty with all your heart and mind and soul. You were sent here to love your brother. Do your best. Be kind to animals, obey the Ten Commandments, stuff like that. Was that it? Huh? Or was that all a lot of horseshit?

She…nodded in and out. Back and forth. In and out. She went back and forth. In and out. Back and forth…in and out. There wasn’t any tunnel or white light or any of that. She just…died.

Silhouettes

WINDOW FELL FOR Catherine his senior year in high school when both were given special education assignments in East High School’s laundry room. The job didn’t pay much but it gave them a little spending money, which Catherine spent buying Marlboro cigarettes, Thunderbird wine, candy bars, blotter acid, and marijuana, and which Window spent on Catherine.