‘Funny,’ I said shortly. I’d nearly been sued by the South African government the last time I’d written for Xav. Thankfully my instinct had been right, but it had been scary there for a while; the court costs mounting into six figures, me envisaging utter ruin.

‘You’ve got a week.’

‘OK.’ I hung up. Effie looked up at me and then carefully poured some sand into her red plastic cup.

‘Cup of tea, Mummy?’ she asked earnestly, holding it out to me.

‘Do you know what, my angel,’ I lowered myself into the sandpit between them, ‘I don’t mind if I do.’

I had meant to discuss my plans with James that evening, though secretly I was dreading it. He was happy with me doing one day at the local paper: returning to a national would be entirely different.

But by the time the children were fed and bathed and I’d thought of all the right things to appease him with, James’s partner in crime, Liam, had arrived for the night. Unsurprisingly, he had a new girlfriend in tow, a tiny jolly redhead with see-through skin and an over-inflated bosom.

Lord Higham was being interviewed on Radio Four when they arrived. I was desperate to listen but turned it down hurriedly as James walked into the kitchen. I knew he’d freak if he so much as heard the name.

‘Hey, babe,’ Liam kissed me. ‘This is Star.’

‘Wow.’ I suppressed a smile. ‘Hi, Star.’

‘That’s a funny name,’ Alicia said. ‘It’s like being called Moon.’

‘Or Bum-bum,’ said Freddie with a joyful snigger.

‘No it’s not, silly,’ said Alicia. ‘It’s not like Bum-bum is it, Mum?’

‘No it’s not,’ I said, trying to keep a straight face. ‘It’s very silly, Freddie.’

‘Bum-bum,’ Freddie repeated, his eyes round at his own daring.

‘Anyway you shouldn’t say that, should he, Mum? It’s rude.’

‘No, he shouldn’t,’ I agreed solemnly. ‘It is very silly, Freddie.’

‘Bum-bum!’

‘That’s enough, Fred,’ his father warned.

‘It’s not my real name actually – Star,’ Star offered in rather vacant Northern tones. ‘I wish it were, but it’s not.’

‘Oh.’ Alicia, disappointed, took a moment to absorb this. ‘What is it then?’

‘Sarah. But you don’t meet many film stars called Sarah, do you? It’s dead dull.’

‘Are you a film star then?’ Alicia’s eyes widened. ‘A real live one?’

‘No.’ Star shook her head sadly. ‘Not yet. I’m a podium dancer. But I will be one day.’

‘What’s a – a podion dancer?’

‘Well, my darling,’ Liam’s eyes lit up, ‘it’s a lady who—’

‘Alicia, have you finished your homework?’ I cut across James’s friend and partner, throwing him a warning glare. ‘We should do your reading, shouldn’t we? Do you need a hand?’

Liam was now swinging Effie wildly over his shoulder to screams of huge delight.