“I really am sorry. That was nuts. I feel nuts. I don’t do stuff like that anymore. I want you to know that. I don’t have a drinking problem or something. I guess I just got carried away.” She folds her freckled arms, leans against the counter, her lips pursed, gazing at me without a word, her eyes darkening as a shadow passes over the sun outside.

“I told you. It’s no big deal. These things happen. I’m glad you’re having fun.” She breaks into a smile, her gaze almost nostalgic, lips rising to meet the light as if she’s remembering some long forgotten time in her youth. Though I can’t imagine her bent over a toilet, arms hugging her abdomen, eyes grainy with sleep, tongue fat with dehydration.

There’s a pinch in my chest, a moment I never experienced with my own mother—coming home, dead-eyed, trying to hide my drunken wobble. It assuages me that she doesn’t seem to be angry, but deep down she must be annoyed. And I can’t have her questioning her affection for me.

“I’m going to try to clean up. And then I want you to take the day for yourself. Take a walk, go to the park and read, see a movie,” I hear myself saying, my hand extended as if to touch her shoulder, not quite reaching it.

She stands upright, still smiling, and comes closer to me, letting me put my hand on her arm. “I couldn’t possibly do that, Suzy. Caleb is coming to drop off the kids in the afternoon, and Gabriella isn’t due back until the evening. But I appreciate the offer.” Her words hang there, almost like an accusation, like Oh, you silly rich girl. But her arm is warm under my hand.

“Then I’ll take care of the kids. Please, it’s my treat. It’s the least I can do. I won’t take no for an answer.” An expression I always hated, but it does the trick.

She sags, the air whirring out of her like an air mattress deflating. “Fine. Fine! If you insist. I guess I do need a break.”

I kiss her on the cheek. “You do. More than anyone I know.”

After I’ve helped her collect the sheets and duvet and remade the bed, cleaned the bathroom until it smells like rosebuds again, had two arguments with Anneliese about paying for the dry cleaning, and washed my breakfast dishes, we hear the doorbell ring.