With a permanent grimace, he shakes his head. Within minutes, we pull into a gas station. I’m not sure it’s even open or still in business. Jake nearly falls out as he opens the door then hightails it around the side of the building, buckled over and waddling like he has something stuck up his ass.

Swarley whines.

“Shh! I know. It was wrong.” I bite my chipped thumbnail, nose wrinkled. “Please don’t die,” I whisper.

Fifteen minutes later, Jake emerges from the side of the building, looking like a corpse.

“I’ll drive.” I hop out and hold open the door.

“I’ll drive,” he mumbles with a weak voice.

“No way. You can barely keep your eyes open. Food poisoning can be very serious. We can’t have you vomiting while driving, and we don’t really know that it’s poisoning … uh food poisoning, that is.”

On a shallow sigh, he nods and climbs into the passenger’s side.

“Let’s find the nearest hotel,” he says as I buckle into the driver’s seat.

Who knew all I had to do was poison him to get linens and an actual shower?

Terrible thoughts. Who celebrates poisoning someone?

“Okay.” I restrain my slight enthusiasm.

Jake falls asleep while I pass up the nearest hotel that I’m certain is the kind that only rents by the hour. When I find a chain name that I recognize, I park the truck and tap his arm. “We’re here.”

Peeling his eyes open, he grumbles. “Get a room. Any room.”

“Okay.” I wait, holding my purse. This isn’t how I wanted to confess my predicament, but given my phoneless status and credit-less situation, I have no choice. “I have less than five dollars to my name. Anthony’s brother is a banker and he’s managed to freeze all of my lines of credit, including my checking account and all credit cards.”

Jake doesn’t even respond with a look. Keeping his eyes closed, he tosses me his wallet.

“Oh …” I cringe. “I realize you’re more of a camper, but hotels require a photo I.D. and a credit card. My I.D. won’t match your credit card, and your credit card won’t match my I.D., so …”

He grumbles, pawing for the door handle. I jump out and run around the truck, opening the door for him. Draping his big arm around my shoulders, I help him into the lobby. After securing a room, I take him straight up to it and help him into bed. Before I can get his shoes off, he dashes to the bathroom.

“I’ll just … get Swarley and our bags. Okay?”

A disgusting noise sounds from behind the bathroom door. I’m not sure which end is releasing the toxins, and I don’t want to know.