I jump out, bending over into the ditch. Nothing comes out, even after a few more gags that make my eyes water. This is payback, that bitch named Karma, for all the men I’ve slept with who have daughters close to my age—or younger. This is what I get. Life is cruel.

Gentle hands pull back my hair. I reach up to stop him.

“I know, be careful with your hair.”

I nod, standing straight when I’m certain those two bananas are not coming up.

“I didn’t have sex with Deedy,” Jake whispers in my ear, sliding his arm around me just above my chest. He pulls my back against him and kisses my shoulder.

It’s kind.

I didn’t know he could be kind.

It’s intimate.

I didn’t think I wanted to feel intimacy with him or anyone.

“We didn’t have sex, but you …” I can’t say it.

“I haven’t been physical with Deedy. Is that what you want to know?” He kisses my shoulder again as his other hand slides around my waist over my exposed midsection below my crop top, but just above my high-waisted shorts.

I hate myself for wanting his touch. He hasn’t earned the right to touch me like this, but at the same time, I feel like that’s exactly what he’s trying to do right now. If there were other cars passing by, they’d have to wonder what’s going on, but Jake loves the roads less traveled, so I doubt anyone will drive by unless they are lost.

“Ave …” His lips move to my neck. “I’m sorry.”

I’m in who-knows-where Oklahoma, falling apart from the inside out, with a man who plays me emotionally and physically like no man before him. Buried beneath layers of self-loathing, resignation, and the total whiplash from my life hitting a brick wall, I let myself take the affection that’s being offered.

“Jake …” I swallow, weak in the knees and breathless. “Deedy said you’re trustworthy and kind. I need that Jake. Can you show me that Jake for one day?”

“Yes.” He turns me in his arms and kisses me. It’s possessive, but not entitled. I feel wanted, but not guilted. I grab his shirt and hold him close to me.

He lifts me up and sets me back in the passenger’s seat. We break apart, panting, eyes wild with need.

Swarley whines.

Jake opens the back door to let him out. Before I can worry about a leash or poop bags, those lips I hate to love crash against mine again. He kisses me like he’s pissed at me yet desperate to get more. It’s intoxicating and frightening. I know my demons, but his feel scarier than mine. He makes me feel like a war he must win.

“Spread your legs wider, Ave.”