“Oh, yeah … I uh … asked Jake to walk me down the aisle.”

I don’t react at all. It’s like that moment you step in gum or dog poop and you just freeze, too afraid to assess the damage.

“I’m not trying to put you in an awkward situation. I worried about asking your dad about it too. He didn’t know the whole story with Jake and Gavin, but I told him everything last night, and he’s good with it. So …”

“Nope.” I manage to squeeze out one word without blinking or even moving my jaw. “It’s fine.” Yay me! Three, stiff, constipated words.

“Are you sure? It’s just that he’s here in L.A., and he’s the closest thing that I have to family around here.”

Slowly, I reach around and pull the stick out of my ass. Once my body relaxes, acclimating to reality, I reach for Deedy’s hand. “It’s your day. Despite what my family may believe or even what you’ve witnessed since we’ve met, I have self-control. I can be in the same vicinity as Jake and not make a scene. I can be amicable.”

Controlled. Medicated. Partially drunk. Whatever it takes.

“Oh, thank you, Avery.” Deedy attacks me with a suffocating hug. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And …” She releases me. “It’s actually one day and one night. He’ll be at the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner tonight. It’s his birthday today too.”

I smile and swallow past the lump in my throat. I know it’s his birthday. After snooping through his wallet to find out his age, I discovered his birth date. And I stole/borrowed forty dollars to buy him something nice. That was the forty dollars. I still have it. Never got around to finding that something nice. “Good. Fine.” I grit my teeth. Stupid emotions.

“You’re sure?”

I nod. “Sure.”

“Great. Let’s go to the salon. Oh … and we’re going to stop by Dress Barn. Tommy and I want to buy you girls new dresses for tomorrow.”

Dress Barn …

How is it possible to feel completely broken and yet stronger than ever at the same time? That’s the war battling inside of me at this very moment as I can’t make myself get out of the car to walk into the church.

“Come on, Avery.” Ocean waves me out of the car as she holds open the door.

I return a nervous smile.

“Sweetie, go inside with your dad and brother. Avery and I will be inside in a few minutes.” Sydney kisses Ocean on the head then slides into the backseat next to me. “Do we hate Jake?”

My eyes narrow at her.