“Sounds like a recipe for angry, make-up sex. Remember that, baby? Remember how you used to get all pissed off at me for something and we’d fuck like rabid animals.”

“Don’t flatter your geriatric ego. I’d hardly call doggy style fucking like rabid animals. I’m not sure you ever actually finished that way. You’d get a cramp in your leg, and I’d have to ride it out on top and finish you with a hand job because you forgot your ED medication. Now, if we’re done pretending you’re young, sexy, or even a remotely decent human, can you just tell me where my stuff is, so I can never talk to you again?”

“One meal. Dinner. If you still want us to be over after dinner, I’ll have all of your stuff delivered wherever you’re living now. Deal?”

“YOU HAVE MY STUFF! WE’RE NOT PLAYING LET’S MAKE A DEAL. I’VE BEEN FUCKING ANOTHER MAN WITH A MUCH BIGGER COCK FOR WEEKS. WE. ARE. OVER!”

Someone clears their throat. I turn from my hiding spot on the side of the pool house. I thought I was the only one out here.

“Uh … Syd was looking for her phone,” Lautner says with my dad standing next to him.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I’ll make this one question quick. Why? Just … why?

“Gimme a sec. Okay?” I whisper, returning a tight smile. Just lovely. My brother-in-law—Mr. Perfect—and my minister father now know about my extracurricular activities on my road trip—and the approximate size of Jake’s cock.

Lautner nods. Dad scowls. I roll my eyes and turn my back to them.

“Baby—”

“Nope. Not your baby. Not having dinner with you. Just going to call my attorney as soon as I hang up which is right…” I glance over my shoulder to make sure the eavesdroppers have scattered “…fucking now.” I press end.

Three nights with my sister and her perfect family is too much. I need a place of my own. I need out. I need space. I need quietude and freedom from constant, sympathetic glances.

My loving family goes silent when I walk in the house, all eyes on me.

“Sorry. Here’s your phone.” I set Sydney’s phone on the end of the kitchen counter.

“No big deal. I just need a phone number out of my contacts. Is … everything okay?”

I frown at my dad and Lautner. They divert their gazes. Cowards. Tattletales.

Homeless. Phoneless. Carless. Yep, I’m great.

“Everything’s great. So … what’s the plan for dinner?”

“We’re going out. Lautner made reservations. It’s sort of a … rehearsal dinner.” Sydney smiles, giving our dad and Deedy a warm expression.

“Rehearsal dinner?”