“It’s nobody’s fault.” We turn toward Megan’s voice. She unties her surgical gown. “GVD is not fully understood. There are precautions you can take to lessen the chances of it happening, but some dogs have it happen despite all cautionary measures. Don’t blame yourselves. The surgery went well, but we’ll need to monitor him closely for a couple days. If he makes it through the night, that’s a good sign.”

More emotions burn my nose and eyes. If he makes it through the night.

“Thank you.” Jake stands and hugs Megan.

I remain idle, suffocating under so much guilt. Maybe … just maybe it’s not really anyone’s fault. But it happened on my watch, and I’m not sure Sydney will see it as simply an unfortunate, unpreventable happenstance.

“Thank you.” I manage to choke out two words and offer Megan another handshake where, once again, my hand shakes on its own.

“You’re welcome. There’s really nothing to do here right now. Why don’t the two of you go back to my house? Grab a shower, make yourselves at home. I’m going to stay here tonight with Swarley.”

“I can’t leave him. My sister is on her way.”

“Is she driving?” Jake asks.

“I … I assume so. They’ll have to take him home, so …”

He slides his arm around my waist. “Then it’s going to be hours before they arrive. Let’s go back to Meg’s. We’ll come back before they get here. And you’ll call if anything changes?”

Megan nods and returns a sad smile. Why is her smile so sad? Is there something she’s not telling us?

“Can I see him before we leave?”

“Sure.” She gestures with her head to follow her. “He’s not awake yet, and he’s hooked up to a monitor, and we’re giving him oxygen, so don’t be alarmed. It’s all normal.”

I see him through a glass window before we get to the door. My feet halt in this quicksand of shock that wants to pull me into the ground and drown me in a reality I’m not ready to accept. “Swarley …” I whisper. “He looks …” I can’t say it.

“Alive. He’s alive.” Megan rests her hand on my shoulder.

He’s not mine. He drives me crazy. He’s made me cry.

I don’t even think he likes me.

Yet …

I’m certain I love him. The idea of losing him makes it hard to breathe.

I turn.

“Ave …” Jake slides his hand along my neck and cups the back of my head, bringing me to my spot. The warmth of his cheek resting on the top of my head hurts so much because … I love them. I love the two males who have been there for me over the past few weeks. And I don’t want to lose either one of them.