She knew that she was lucky to have a partner who was so looking forward to being a father. At the antenatal classes they’d attended together, some of the other fathers-to-be had admitted they were scared of the responsibility that lay ahead. Willow had wanted to put her hand up and say she knew just what they meant.

So maybe it was just as well Rick was so confident about parenthood; he would make up for any deficiency on her part. His certainty should reassure her, as should his desire for everything to be perfect for their baby’s arrival, and his need to protect her, but it only made her feel even more inadequate.

The intensity of his love sometimes made her feel as though she were being slowly suffocated. It was just all too much. She understood why he was like he was: it was because he was so scared of losing her. He’d lost too much before and couldn’t bear the thought of it happening all over again to him. But if only he didn’t love her so much.

And if only she could love him more.

Listening to the mobile as it came to a tinkling stop, she thought of all the times she’d regretted something she had done or something she had said. But what was the point in wishing she had lived her life differently? This was where she was now and for the sake of her daughter, she had to forget about how life might have been for her.

Her mother had been right to leap to the conclusion that she regretted a choice she had made. But then she had regretted so many choices over the years. She knew what Mum had also assumed was the problem, just as Martha had; that Lucas was at the bottom of it all. To a degree they were right, but not in the way they thought. What Lucas had done was to open her eyes to the truth, that she would rather be with someone like him than Rick.

With Lucas, even when they were just chatting on FaceTime she could be her true self, or as near to her true self as she could allow herself to be with anyone. With Rick she was always trying to be someone she wasn’t. It was the same with the gifts he bought for her: none of them was her taste, they were all Rick’s taste. Everything was a reflection on how he wanted her to be. Which only added to her sense of failure because she could never be that person. Just as she could never be the daughter her father had wanted her to be.

From nowhere she heard his voice. ‘So you’re going to mess this up as well, are you, Willow? Well, well, there’s a surprise!’

No, she thought defiantly, this was her chance to change and prove her father wrong.

She placed her hands around the large solid ball of her stomach. ‘It’s a lot to ask of you,’ she said softly to her daughter, ‘but will you change me for the better? Will you be the making of me? Because something needs to be.’