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Chapters (50)
  1. Praise
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright Page
  4. Dedication
  5. Epigraph
  6. The Awful Truth
  7. The Life
  8. Make That Four
  9. Heaven, or: Last April at the Frick
  10. New Punch Line
  11. The J-Mart Employee of the Year Pleads His Case
  12. Reminder
  13. Auto-Nav
  14. Our Greatest Hit Hits Again, or: Who Is the Rat Burglar?
  15. I’m the Mang?
  16. Me vs. the Goldfish
  17. Size Matters
  18. Life of Crime
  19. I High-Beam the Dream
  20. What the Covet Girl Tells Me
  21. How Memory Harvesting Can Save Your Life
  22. The Sound of Our Future Together
  23. Bullet by Bullet
  24. The Effects of Drinking and Dosing
  25. A Bra Tells the Truth
  26. Gun Therapy
  27. WWPD: What Would Pinkerton Do?
  28. The Nakamura Job
  29. The Treachery of Images
  30. Herk to the Rescue
  31. The Truth About Herkimer
  32. The Polecat
  33. Do I or Don’t I?
  34. The World I Know Nothing About
  35. Kong’s Price
  36. Bathroom Talk
  37. Good Start
  38. Reunited
  39. Baconmouth
  40. Teamwork
  41. A Picture of Loveliness
  42. The Forty-fifth Murder
  43. The Unreachable
  44. Ambiguity
  45. Exit
  46. Sacrifice
  47. Otto Starks, Supernova
  48. Snitching
  49. Clean Getaway
  50. Acknowledgements

Everyone around me is a criminal. No one can be trusted. But I know what I know from all my years as a pulse, and if I have to believe in something, I’ll believe in that.

“No,” I say. “I’m going black.”

In desperate chorus Charlie and Kong and Jagjeet yell “No!” but it’s too late.

Snip.

They all gasp and recoil and clench their eyes as if in the presence of a bomb that just ticked down to zero. Then the door retracts into its pocket. Everything is quiet. We lean our heads out the door and scan left and right: all clear. We step through the door, looking down the hall in varying degrees of astonishment, and still: all clear. Charlie stares at me in wonder.

“See?” I say.

As Charlie nods in concession—admiration, even—the door behind us slams shut and an alarm starts shrieking through the halls.

“Not one word,” I say to Charlie, upholding a finger.

“I didn’t say anything!”

Jagjeet and I pull left; Charlie pulls right.

“This way,” she says.

“No,” I say, “it’s this way.”

“We have to go this way.”

“I just came this way. I know what I’m talking about.”

It’s a bad time for one of our battles of wills, but there it is.

“Otto,” she says as the alarm wails, “my father’s still here.”

My heart pinches. To me, he has always been in some remote Californian village; I have always been working up the guts to ask him for permission to marry his daughter. Now he is in the same building with me; now I am going to put his daughter in jail.

It’s not the way I envisioned meeting him.

“Mr. Izzo?” Jagjeet says urgently, lovingly. “Where?”

Before Charlie can answer there is a burst of gunfire and a spray of drywall confetti rains down on us. Jagjeet shoves us around the corner but can’t join us before an explosion of white powder above his head forces him to dive behind the other corner.

We are in the hallway that leads to Kong. He is in the one that leads to Mr. Izzo.

My ears burn with the sound of feet sprinting toward us.

“Where?” he yells over the din of the bells and gunfire.

“Room 207, north wing!” Charlie yells back.

Jagjeet is off in a bolt. Charlie takes me by the hand and drags me down the hallway with the sound of sprinting footsteps coming after us. With the alarm squealing it’s impossible for me to apply my hearing around corners and so we’re running without any idea what’s ahead. We could easily run into a bullet.

“Kong,” I yell into the mouthpiece, “you’ve got to cut the alarm. I can’t hear anything.”

“I can’t! I can barely keep the cameras off of you!”

“Just do it!”