“Wasn’t feeling sorry for you,” Josh answered. He placed the last dish on the drying rack and turned to face me. “I was just thinking out loud that it must have been hard for you growing up. You figured out you were better off, but it still must have been hard getting there.”

I struggled with his words, then admitted. “You’re right. As accepting as I am about my childhood now, there were lots of tears alone in my bedroom. Lots of wondering why neither of my birth parents seemed to want me in their lives.”

Josh went quiet and still in that way of his. Return of the Ice Block.

And I realized out loud, “I’ve said too much. I’m sorry for going on and on like that.”

“That’s exactly how I felt about my parents,” he said, his voice low and quiet. “My mom with all the drinking that eventually led to her death. My dad was always too busy with his career. My brother and me were mostly left to our housekeeper to raise. I did the best I could to be there for Sawyer, but it wasn’t enough.”

“It was,” I assured him. “My sister and Sawyer are a happy ending none of us expected. You did good, Josh—or as my mom would immediately edit me to say, well.”

Josh chuckled but then sobered to ask. “Is it always like this with your clients? Do you always go this deep?”

I tell him the truth because I’m stunned myself. “It’s never like this. I never go this deep on a first conversation. Or talk about myself.”

Josh nodded. “Good. I’m glad I’m not in this alone. I feel like I could tell you anything. It’s like…..I’ve heard it’s good to talk to people. But I’ve never believed it before now.”

His words hit my chest like a warm pillow…and made me realize I’d been asking questions all my adult life without talking—really talking at all.

Without letting myself think too much about it, I put on the second record of Robyn’s two-part Body Talk album. Then I went over to the stove to heat up the kettle.

“I’m going to make some hot chocolate,” I announced. “Do you want a hot chocolate?”

No answer. I didn’t realize my mistake until Robyn started singing “Call Your Girlfriend” in her one-of-a-kind Swedish lilt.

Hot chocolate. How many times had I urged him to drink a cup in my Christmas cards?

I turned around and found Josh staring at me. Hard.

All I could do was stand there and hope he didn’t realize….

But after what felt like a century or two of stare-down, he simply said, “Yes, I’ll take a hot chocolate.”