I sigh heavily and look outside, where my niece and nephew are playing with their dad. We had an unexpected snow day and they’ve been taking advantage all morning. I think about Vanessa and the baby that would have been four years old, had it survived the term. That loss was the main reason I wasn’t open to trying for more kids. It was heartbreaking and terrifying. After it was all said and done, I was just grateful to have my wife, but she didn’t feel the same. She wanted to keep trying until she got pregnant again and it was something I couldn’t, wouldn’t do. We went to couples counseling for nine months before calling it quits. Nine months of feeling guilt and shame and ultimately more heartbreak, so yeah, I took a job across the country and filed for divorce and lost the love of my life and my best friend in the process. And yeah, now I’m back and want her back as well. I just hope it’s not too late.

Chapter Five

Vanessa

I really didn’t want to come to this party, especially now that I knew that Adam was in town. Having mutual friends is kind of annoying when you get a divorce, especially when the divorce is only amicable to a certain extent. We wish each other a happy birthday, but otherwise, I ignore his calls and texts. We ask our friends how the other is doing, but otherwise act like we don’t care. Most of all, it’s annoying that I’m clearly not as over him as I pretend to be, and according to our family and friends the feeling is mutual. He’s been dating though. I have not. I mean, I hooked up with a guy in Europe. A hot soccer player who promised me a hot night and delivered, but that was it. It was a one-night stand and I was grateful it wasn’t anything more because at that point in my life, I had nothing left to give.

“Grab some food,” Uma says as I’m walking by the display of food she put out.

“I will.” I smile, picking up a plate. “Everything smells and looks amazing.”

“Jeff made most of it.”

“He made barbecue beef?” I raise an eyebrow.

“He makes better Korean BBQ than I do these days.”

“Well, I’m impressed.”

“As am I.” The voice is Adam’s and comes from behind me and my heart instantly speeds up to the point I think it’ll explode. I take a breath and turn to face him, getting ready to smile nonchalantly, but then I see him and I can’t. He looks so handsome in his Mets hat and grey t-shirt. Casual, but handsome as hell. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He smiles.

“I hadn’t seen you.”

“I was upstairs checking out the rooftop.”

“Oh. I forgot you hadn’t been. It’s nice, right?”