“I know.” I let out a laugh. “But it wasn’t just minor shit, Adam. We lost a baby. Not a pregnancy. A legit, full-term baby. That’s not minor.”

“I’m not saying it is. Not at all.”

“And you don’t want to try again because you’re scared, which I completely understand, but you can’t expect me to do that just because it’s your preference.”

“I know.”

“When I brought up adoption you said no. When I brought up fostering you said no. Pregnancy, you said no. I want children. I work with children all day and they drive me insane and I still want them. I hate that you don’t feel the same, but I can’t . . .” I swallow, hating the way the tears keep pooling in my eyes. “If I can’t do it with you, I know that I’m strong enough to do it without you.”

“You’re strong enough to do it alone.” He puts both hands on my shoulders. “You’re the strongest woman I know.”

I swallow again. I don’t want to cry, not here, not now.

“I want to do it with you.”

“What?” My eyes widen.

“Like I said, I was thinking about it all night and I decided that I was being an idiot. Yes, I’m terrified. I’ll probably always be terrified, but so are you and you’re still strong enough to do it anyway. I want you. I need you. I moved to the other side of the country and I still couldn’t get rid of this persistent need for you. If this is what it’ll take to get you back, I’ll do it.”

“No.” I shake my head and take a step back, making him drop his hands. “I’m not going to get together with you on a promise.”

“Isn’t that what relationships are? Actions built on promises?”

“You’ll leave me again.”

“I won’t. Van, I didn’t want to leave the first time. You left me no choice.”

“No. You got scared.”

“I know and I didn’t want to hold you back or for you to resent me for not trying for another child, but . . . I want a child, Van. I truly do. And I want one with you.”

“Overnight you decided you want a child?” I raise my eyebrow.

“What if I did?” He shrugs. “I don’t know how to explain it. I had a moment of realization, and yes, I do. With you, I do. With you, I want everything. Without you, I want nothing. Please, Van.”

“I don’t know, Adam.” I bite my lip and glance away.

“Please, babe. One last chance. I swear I’ll be the best husband you’ve ever had.”

“You’ve got stiff competition. My last husband was pretty great, until he wasn’t.” I shoot him a look.