He takes my hand in his, his palms clammy, and he just sits there staring at it like it’s some manual on how to breathe Earth air.

And I just sit there because I don’t know what else to do. Pulling away from him and going to get help sounds like a shitty thing to do, and I don’t even know the Heimlich maneuver, so I just kind of feel like a worthless sack of potatoes.

Finally, his breathing starts to even out and he lets go of my hand, wiping tears out of his eyes.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

He nods, but it’s not really that reassuring since he’s been saying he was okay the whole time. He clears his throat and spares me a small smile. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay,” I say. His voice is still a little bit shaky, but he looks mostly okay, so I stand up and hold my hand out to him, and he takes it, pulling himself to his feet. “What happened?”

He shrugs. “Panic attack.”

And I’ve heard of panic attacks before, but I’ve never seen one in action. They were just supposed to be in someone’s head. I hadn’t thought they’d feel so scary.

“Did something—did something get to you?” I ask, but it sounds off even to my own ears. I’m trying to be suave about it. No awkward I don’t know how to handle mentally ill people jargon, but I also have no idea what I’m doing.

He smiles and says, “No, not really. Sometimes they just happen, but I’m okay.”

And I know the respectful thing to do is say that I totally get it and tell him he can talk to me if he needs anything and then walk away, but I kind of just stare at him for a moment because I’m not really sure what to say. Or, well, how to say it. And I feel like shit about it, but my body’s not really listening to me.

Devin walks to the bathroom door, but then he pauses, turning back to look at me, and I’m half expecting him to call me out on my staring. Then he says, “This is gonna sound weird, but do you mind doing me a favor?”

And I nod, because it’s not like there’s another appropriate response.

He stares down at his shoes for a moment, then says, “I’ve been thinking about my pronouns, and I kind of want to try out some new ones.”

“Like she/her?” I ask.