But I don’t want to think about Cali, or the summer ending and us going our separate ways. I just want to think about the stars as they stare down at us like we’re the only two people in the world, the warmth of his jacket tickling my skin.

“Drew?” I say.

He turns to look at me, and I just want to kiss him. So I do.

His fingers snake underneath his jacket as they try to find my skin. They’re cold as they slip under my shirt and up my chest.

His kisses are hungry, like he’s trying to get control over my body, and a part of me wants to let him. It says that I’m young and it’s the summer, and I should just surrender myself to every desire that’s ever run through my brain.

But another part of me just feels like something’s wrong. I pull away from him, my breath ragged from the walk and the kissing.

“I’m sorry,” I say, but I’m not sure why. I mean, he kissed me back, so he must not have hated it, but there’s no one around to perform for, and I’m not sure what it means about us or me or anything anymore.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

And I don’t know. Maybe I called the steps to the perfect relationship too well, and I’m getting lost in the Hesitation that’ll build us up to the perfect peak, but God, I wish we could just move past that already. Drew’s looking at me like he misses my body against his, and I want to give him that.

But I also want to go home.

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’m just getting kind of tired.”

He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Yeah, it is pretty late, huh? You wanna head back?”

I nod, relieved that he doesn’t push me for anything else. He just slips his hand into mine, and we trace the street again, creeping our way back to the apartment. Finally, when we’re downstairs, I start pulling his jacket off to hand back to him, but he says, “It’s fine. I’ll get it next time.”

I want to object because something about the weight of it feels too heavy on my shoulders, but I don’t. I know I already ruined his night. The last thing I want to do is insult him.

He bids me good night, and I race upstairs, shielding my face from the cold and the humiliation washing over me.

Inbox (783)

Anonymous asked: Hi, Noah! Are your posts getting deleted? I haven’t seen any in a while.

Msjaygatsby asked: I’m sure your inbox is full, but did you get my last ask? I don’t want to hound you if you did.