Well, that, and I’m not even sure I’m ready to be physical with a boy at all. I’ve only ever dated one person, and it was before I knew I was a boy, and it was super awkward, and I hated every second of it. And I know so many people who’ve already had several relationships, fallen in love, had sex—but I also know a good number who haven’t. I just hate feeling like there’s some timeline trying to tell me when I have to get to each new step. It feels like everyone’s taking the elevator up to some secret penthouse party, and I’m not even allowed to take a peek.

And if everyone goes up before I do, will they lock the doors?

“Whatever you two do,” Brian says, “just be careful, okay?”

“Dad already gave me the protection talk,” I say.

Brian laughs, stepping over to me and ruffling my hair while I swat him away. “I just meant, you know, tread carefully. I don’t want to be stuck picking up the pieces if this guy breaks your heart.”

And I know that’s Brian’s way of saying he would do exactly that should Drew not end up being the perfect guy I’m pretty certain he is, and maybe I should thank him, but my mind is already trying to piece together the perfect look for tonight.

And then a thought occurs to me, one I will likely regret later even though I know I have no other choice. “Hey, Brian,” I say, “you wanna help me with my hair?”

By the time Drew starts knocking on the front door, I’m clad in a pair of skinny jeans and a button-down. Usually I’d top it with a vest or something else to make it especially suave, but I don’t want to look like I tried too hard. After all, Drew’s visiting me at home, which means I need to have just enough of a casual look going on that he thinks he caught me off guard, like I wasn’t waiting too eagerly for him.

“Oh, Drew,” I say once I’ve opened the door and motioned him inside. “I hadn’t expected you so early.”

He laughs, wrapping an arm around my waist. “I thought about going home to change after work, but I didn’t want to waste any time.”

I smile. “You know, you don’t have to work so hard to keep up appearances while we’re alone.”

That’s a ploy, of course. This gives him the opening to say, I know, but every time I think of you, my heart races so fast I can’t possibly imagine letting you go.

“Your brother’s home, isn’t he?” Drew says. “Don’t want to slip up.”