“Yeah, the only problem is I can’t afford to get a ride to and from interviews,” I say. “I feel bad forcing Brian to do it since he works too and has to get there early.”

I can practically hear my mom roll her eyes as she says, “You want the credit card back.”

“I mean, if you don’t mind. . . .”

My dad chuckles in the background. He’s always said I’m like a bunny rabbit—too cute to resist, but dangerous to underestimate. I can’t say I’m opposed to it.

“You can have the card back, but you better not abuse it again, and I expect you to get a job,” she says.

“Thank you, Mommy!”

“Anything else you want to tell us about before we get to the new house?”

I pause. A part of me feels like I should tell them about Drew. I mean, we aren’t officially together, or whatever that means, but we’re going to a party with his friends tonight, and we’ve really been nailing this fake dating thing. I told him that the best way to make sure we convince the Diary fans is to just really commit to it. After all, if we could convince ourselves that we’re a couple, no one online should have any reason to doubt us. And, when we got back to the shop, we basically just acted like a couple, and Drew even went so far as to tell Amy we were going out. Definitely approaching the Trip.

Or are we there already?

Honestly, I’m still not sure if tonight constitutes the Consultation or if that was dinner. This whole list was easier to follow before I had to put it into practice.

Of course, my parents seem to be having a hard enough time navigating a second son. I don’t know if they’re ready to enter our-son’s-boyfriend territory yet.

“Noah?” my mom says, and my heart flutters a little at how natural it sounds now, as if she’s actually been taking the time to practice saying it. “Everything all right?”

“Yeah,” I say, making a spur-of-the-moment decision. “Everything’s great. I made a friend at the interview, and we’re hanging out tonight.”

My dad laughs. “What kind of friend?”

Here I go. “The boy kind,” I say.

There’s silence on the other end of the line. Well, vocal silence and a little bit of static. Then my mom says, “Is this a friend kind of boy or a boyfriend kind of a friend?”

“A little more of the second one, I think.”

The line’s quiet again. Then I hear my dad sigh, and it sounds like my mom is passing him the phone. “Noah,” he says, his voice gentle, “I know you’re a boy now, but the same reproductive rules still apply.”

“And I’m hanging up now. Bye, parents! Love you!”