Devin smiles. “I meant, once you get ahold of her. It sounds like you talk more about you than her.”

“We’d talk about her if she ever volunteered anything.”

“Sometimes it’s hard for people to volunteer information, but when someone asks, it gets a little easier.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Speaking from experience?”

E clears eir throat, eyes falling to the table. “After my suicide attempt, I lost most of my friends. They just couldn’t really handle it, you know?”

I pause, my voice catching in my throat. “I’m sorry, Devin.”

“It’s okay,” e says, smiling up at me again like I’m the one who needs to be comforted. “I just think sometimes we lose friendships because we expect things to fall into place, but sometimes, the pieces are stubborn and you have to move them yourself. I’d hate to see you lose such a great friend because you didn’t try enough options.”

“I can’t force her to talk to me,” I say.

“No, but you can make sure she knows that she can talk to you, if she wants to. Whatever she’s going through might feel impossible. You just have to show her that it isn’t.”

“Okay, so what do I do about Drew?” I ask.

Devin shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m not your therapist.”

And I laugh because the way e says it catches me completely off guard, though I know e’s right. “And here I thought you were just an infinite well of good advice.”

“I just told you what I wish someone had said to my friends when I was going through a hard time. Well, and some things I learned from my therapist. I’ve never had a boyfriend, so you’re on your own with that one.”

I pause, an unexplainable urgency taking over me as I say, “Are you not into boys?”

E looks up at me over eir straw, a blush creeping across eir cheeks. “Why would you say that?”

And really, I’m not sure why it suddenly seems so important, so I just say, “You just said you never had a boyfriend.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m not into boys. It just means I haven’t dated anyone.”

“No one ever?” I ask.

Devin shrugs. “Is that a bad thing?”

“You’re almost eighteen, aren’t you?”

“That’s really not as old as you make it sound.”

Which, yeah, I know that. I guess it just seems weird to me that someone could go so long without a boyfriend and not be fighting like hell to get one. Finding a boyfriend meant everything to me until I found Drew.

“Are you gay?” Devin asks.

“I guess so. I mean, some girls are attractive, but I’m mostly into boys or masculine people. So I guess whatever you’d call that.”

Devin laughs. “That sounds pretty bi to me.”