Something about that didn’t sound right to Rogers at all.

“So, what’s up with the explosion and the fire in the kitchen? What hit us?”

“It appears that one of the engineering personnel made a mistake in the Kamikaze.”

“But I transferred all of those people back to engineering,” Rogers said.

“He enjoyed cooking, sir.”

Rogers pulled at his beard. He didn’t know whether he was enraged, relieved, or just tired. Probably a little bit of all of them. But the Flagship had definitely been targeted, and a ship had definitely come into and out of Un-Space without announcing itself. Maybe one of the other ships in the ATBU had picked it up. One that hadn’t had its targeting computer shut down for days. He’d have to get Klein to ask the other ship captains later.

“Thanks,” Rogers said to the tech. “Anything else?”

“No, sir.” The tech saluted and returned to the bridge.

“I don’t like this, McSchmidt,” Rogers said, feeling very dramatic all of a sudden.

“I don’t like it either,” McSchmidt said.

“I’m sort of indifferent,” Deet said.

Rogers shot him a look. “This is all too coincidental,” Rogers said. “Changing formations, a feinted attack that turned into a kitchen explosion. Even if they didn’t fire anything, the THEY’RE ATTACKING US light definitely went on. That’s something, right?”

McSchmidt nodded. “I’ll start combing through more of the reports and let you know what I find. Maybe there’s something we’re overlooking.”

“Fine,” Rogers said. He wiped his forehead. He hadn’t sweated so much in years. “I’m going to go make sure that Klein isn’t summoning the entire Meridan Galactic Navy to put out our kitchen fire.”

“What do you mean, you summoned the entire Meridan Galactic Navy to put out our kitchen fire?”

Rogers was pretty sure if his jaw was any lower to the ground, it could have been used as a dustpan. How could one head contain so much stupid?

“We need help,” Klein said. “They can’t expect us to be a buffer against the Thelicosan invasion all by ourselves.”

“That’s exactly what they expect of us,” Rogers said. “We’re the 331st Anti-Thelicosan Buffer Unit!”

“So what?” Klein said. “Nobody expected an actual war. We’ve been hearing rumors about this stuff for months, and now this is getting a little more than I want the 331st to handle on its own. Thelicosa is going to charge across that border and turn Merida into the next Jupiter. There won’t even be another War of Musical Chairs this time.”

“It was a kitchen fire, Klein. A kitchen fire. And the passing ship was probably just a pirate ship with its targeting systems on,” Rogers said. “You have to cancel that message. We don’t need the central government getting involved.”

He couldn’t imagine the kind of bureaucracy that would come flying in with such a giant military presence. There would be inspections every five minutes, droids everywhere, and Rogers doubted the alcohol quantity would improve.

“I don’t see why it matters,” Klein said. “I’ve been sending the same message for the last four months.”