My eyes widened. She’d never told me this.

“I knew I wanted to keep him the second I found out. Your father…he insisted I marry him. Perhaps I hadn’t learned all my lessons at the time because I agreed. I thought it was romantic in a way. He was so harsh, but he was stepping up and doing the right thing. I thought we might be a real family. But walking down that aisle and signing the papers was the only thing he ever did right by me.”

“Mom…”

“I had a hard time after Nathan was born. I wasn’t feeling like myself. I was stuck at home a lot. It was hard. Nathan was the spitting image of your father. He took an interest in Nathan the way he never did me. Wanted to set him up for all these classes at a young age. Had all these grand plans. It felt like he was turning him into a mini him, and I felt all alone.”

Tears welled in her eyes. “I know how wrong it seems. I was his mother. I should have stepped in. Should have bonded more. But I felt so alone. So empty.”

She smiled sadly. “Then you came along. The day you were born, your father was on a work trip he’d insisted he couldn’t miss. Your grandmother watched Nathan while I went to the hospital by myself. You were like this ray of sunshine immediately. Some women would have mourned the fact that their husband was thousands of miles away during the birth of their second child, but I rejoiced that it was just me and you.”

She opened and closed her mouth, searching for the right words. “The older you two got… I knew it was wrong, but when I looked at Nathan all I saw was your father. I couldn’t separate the two.”

“He needed you. You knew how Dad was.”

“I know, and I regret it. But at the time, I convinced myself I saw the same judgment and hatred in Nathan’s eyes that I saw in your father’s. I clung to you instead. My little sunshine.”

I let her words sink in. They made sense in a way. I knew she thought Nathan and my father were cut from the same cloth. For years, I’d thought that too.

Nathan had been forced into that, though. Sure, he’d always been the logical one. He was never going to be naturally warm, and he’d always be a touch socially awkward no matter what. But it hurt to think that the coldness he’d developed was partially because he’d felt ostracized. If I had been left to be raised by my father, I doubted I would have turned out the way that I had.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

“I’m trying to make things right with Nathan. I know I’m probably too late, but I’m trying,” she added quietly.

“I know,” I said, crossing my arms in front of me and taking in my mother.