Anxiousness coiled in my chest as I prepared to finally let the spring loose.

“First off, I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring you.”

“I knew it.”

“It’s because I don’t know how to talk to you—to clear the air.”

She opened her mouth to speak, but she seemed to think better of it. For the first time, I wondered if she’d been expecting this conversation.

“I think you know that Nathan and I have grown close the past couple of years. Closer than we’ve ever been.”

“Right,” she said softly.

“Well, it’s bringing up a lot of shit from growing up, and I don’t really know how to handle it, if I’m being honest.”

She stared at the ground, rendered speechless. I knew I needed to continue but the feeling in my gut begged me to stop. I took in another deep breath.

“You put too much on me, Mom. All those years of acting like it was us against Nathan and Dad…it wasn’t right. I didn’t know how to be close to my brother—I felt like I couldn’t be. It was like being close to him was betraying you in some way. Do you know how fucked up that is for a kid to feel?”

She met my gaze briefly before jerking her eyes back to the floor. I half expected her to deny it, but she didn’t. Instead, she finally whispered, “I’m so sorry for that.”

It was like those words opened a floodgate.

“How could you treat him like that?” I demanded. “You ignored him, treated him like he wasn’t even your son. Even now, whenever we talk, I hear the way you subtly throw digs at him. He’s your son. He deserves better.”

“I know.”

“And I deserved better too. I should never have been your emotional support child, or whatever the hell I was.”

She clasped and unclasped her hands. The silence was enormous. I thought I might suffocate in it, but at least I’d finally said something. Maybe not in the most eloquent way, but I’d gotten the words out.

“Your father and I weren’t always…we weren’t always like the way you knew us to be.”

My eyebrows drew together. My mother never talked about my father and vice versa. Growing up, I hardly saw them interact. They didn’t even share a bedroom. I’d realized that when I was in sixth grade.

“We met when I was young. He was older, successful. He was quiet, but I was enamored with him. Thought my flirty ways were getting under his skin, I don’t know.” She shook her head. “It was never supposed to be a forever thing. We had a short fling, that was all. He was too different from me. He was cold and calculated. In the short time we spent together, I realized he didn’t want to change. He didn’t think my free spirit was charming, he thought it was irritating. We didn’t work. After we parted ways, I—I realized I was pregnant with Nathan.”