Mattie’s words sent my mind spinning. I felt lightheaded.

My first instinct was to deflect—to tell her that she was way off base and if I could actually land this job, it would be the best thing that could happen to me. The words twisted on my tongue. They were so mangled I couldn’t get them out.

“I’m laughing because of Oliver. He doesn’t take anything seriously,” I said finally. “And I seem happy because I’ve never had a break before.”

“Life shouldn’t be about tiny little breaks where you find happiness. The happy part should be the whole thing—or at least the vast majority of it. Trust me, I learned that the hard way.”

I snorted, thinking about where her life had almost landed her before she wound up here—the happiest I’d ever seen her. I remembered thinking when she was with her douchey ex, living so close to where we’d grown up, that there was so much more for her. I’d tried gently nudging her in different directions, but she’d always insisted she was happy. Was that what was happening now? Could Mattie see my life better than I could? Did she have that sisterly intuition that was screaming at her that I was making some sort of mistake?

I attempted to shake the doubt from my mind. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I want this job, Mattie. I’m so close to finally landing something, and I’m going to see it through.”

Mattie smiled, but the light didn’t touch her eyes. “Then I can’t wait to celebrate when you finally land it.”

Her words didn’t help the pit that had formed in my stomach. It wasn’t lost on me that all I wanted in that moment was to call Oliver, fall into his arms, and let him hold me until I felt whole again.

I was in dangerous territory.

Oliver was like this beautiful mountain lake that I’d seen while driving. I’d pulled over to take a quick dip. Except that dip was a little too luxurious and now I couldn’t quite imagine getting out and back into my car.

Was it nice? Sure.

But the reality was, I was going to get pulled under if I stayed in for too long. I would drown in how good it felt and never resurface again.

I had to do something about this. Putting any distance between the two of us felt impossible, but since I needed to let him go eventually, I might as well start peeling away now.

TWENTY-FOUR

Oliver

“Here’s a sleeping bag, a sleeping pad—” I continued to rummage through the bins of camping equipment that Bev had given me from her garage. She’d said we were welcome to any of it. I already had my own gear, but Frankie had nothing, and neither did Harrison or Lila, who were arriving later today.

“What about a tent?” Frankie asked. She was lounging on the loveseat in the living room corner of my small studio. I’d been trying to build up her excitement for this camping trip for days, but she still wasn’t fully convinced.